Why I Love My Husband

Thank you to a commenter: and a plea...

2008-08-02T22:45:00.002-08:00

Thanks to a wonderful commenter, Sun, on www.blissfullydomestic.com, sponsors of the Extreme Blog Makeover Contest. Sun writes:

I think glorybeam who writes the blog, "Why I Love My Husband"
http://www.whyilovemyhusband.blogspot.com/ deserves the blog makeover, because her blog is about something worthwhile. It is honest and touching in places, and humorous in other places. I know I will be eagerly awaiting her future blog posts.
Sun

And now, a shameless plea: I need an Extreme Blog Makeover! Please go to http://www.blissfullydomestic.com/ and vote for Glory (second from bottom). I promise I will write more blog posts...

The issue here, as always, is my pride. It's hard for me to promote something I feel embarrassed about, and my blog itself is embarrassing to me... I labored long and hard a few years ago to set up a blog on blogger, learning some CSS, buying a book on Dreamweaver, going to various websites that teach html--but I'm too old for this stuff. Everything I learn either gets updated and outdated too quickly, or doesn't get retained in my weary brain for the next time I need it!

I do have a message, something to say that I believe "is worthwhile" and I want it to be seen and heard by as many people as possible. In fact, lately I've been thinking about what would happen if tomorrow was my last day on earth, and I've been praying that God would help me to live each day as if it was my last. I think that if I knew I wouldn't be around the day after tomorrow, I'd be writing--frantically typing--as fast as I could, to my husband, to my daughter, to my son, to my mom, to my family, to my friends, to everyone I know, to the world... Like the song, "I want to leave a legacy" and the best way I know how is to write what is in my heart.

So, vote for me... better yet, pray for me...

Why I Love My Husband: Why I need an Extreme Blog MakeOver!

2008-07-30T19:52:00.000-08:00

Why I Love My Husband: Why I need an Extreme Blog MakeOver!

Why I need an Extreme Blog MakeOver!

2008-07-30T19:22:00.004-08:00

I started this blog back in 2005, exactly three years ago. I'm still just over a third of the way through my list of 100 Reasons Why I Love My Husband...

The Inspiration Behind "100 Reasons..."

I have to admit, I was taken aback by the title of a blog I saw. It can be found by searching for "...I Hate My Husband" on Google. What a sad story! Yet, just this morning I found myself thinking more negatively than positively about my own relationship with my husband. I decided, then and there, to put into action a thought I had about focusing on the good things. It's all about perspective. "Garbage in=garbage out!"
When I choose to dwell on "whatsoever things are lovely, pure, and of good report..." it affects my whole outlook. So, it's time for some serious reflections on the man I married... and why I CHOOSE to LOVE him!

Three years and 39 Reasons later, I still CHOOSE to love my husband. I just need a motivational "kick" to finish what I started. I know that people need to hear the message that love is a choice! Marriages are suffering; husband and wife relationships are strained--and people often buy into the lie that they can and should end their marriage based on how they feel or don't feel. What ever happened to commitment, what about the vows made at the altar?

If you agree with the message and the meaning behind this blog, please be sure to vote for my Extreme Blog Makeover!

Reason #39: He's heavenly-minded!

2008-05-07T15:31:00.002-08:00

Looking Towards Heaven
I love the name of this blog.

Destination: Heaven
I love the name of this post.

Treasures in Heaven
I love the name of this book.

I've been setting my mind on things above, not on earthly things. (Col. 3:2)

I love my heavenly-minded husband, who often quips, "You can't threaten me with heaven!" (meaning: it's no threat to think of dying and going to heaven. It's not a punishment, it's a reward.)

Reason #38: He's Hot-Blooded!

2008-02-11T20:47:00.003-09:00

In honor of Valentine's Day, and in celebration of the end of a two-week long cold spell:

We have had temperatures hovering at around 40 below zero for weeks, and that is COLD! It's hard to even describe the chill in the lungs, the freezing of the nasal passages, ice fog so thick you can't see 100 yard in front of you, vehicles not starting (even though they have been plugged in), etc. Ah, such is life in Alaska!

My hubby has always been hot-blooded. The term "hot-blooded" basically means having an average body temperature higher than that of the surroundings. The family has grown accustomed to wearing several layers of fleece, because DH keeps the thermostat reading at 60 degrees! He is affectionately known as the "polar bear" around home and office.

He is also a very normal, typical male member of the species known as "Homo Sapians." This means that he is hot-blooded in terms of passion as well as temperature. As a reminder, he brought me this book home from his recent trip:

“Real ideas that real–life couples can put into practice immediately—that’s what I love about Red Hot Monogamy! All the biblical truth and godly love life advice I’ve ever heard—and more—is simply and beautifully wrapped up in this one practical book." (Read more reader reviews here.)

I love my "hot-blooded" man!

Reason #37: He's a loving, supportive son!

2008-02-07T14:08:00.000-09:00

I almost lost track of what number I'm on. Yes, it has been a while since I posted -- almost a year, actually! Sadly, it was an unintentional sabbatical. I just kept putting it off. But, after checking the stats and comments, I realized that at least 30 people a day are still stopping by this site, and it inspired me to continue inspiring all those who do searches on "why I love my husband" or "reasons I love him".

I have to admit that I was "scared off" by fear and pride. I'm struggling to adjust to the younger generation's world of virtual reality, and social networking. This is my personal journal, but it's posted on a public forum. How much self-disclosure is too much? At what point do I begin violating my own privacy?

As a member of the "sandwich generation" we struggle daily with the pull of raising teenagers, and caring for elderly parents. The pressure has become glaringly evident recently, as DH went home for his father's surgery. In her own words, DH's older sister described what that entailed:

This past week has truly been a family affair. Our brother was at the house with mom until he flew home yesterday. He's cooked and cleaned for mom, chaufered her and has been grocery shopping more times than he probably cares to admit. We've appreciated his help. My son stayed with mom last night. We have someone stay with her, because she is unsteady on her feet and we don't want her to fall without someone in the house. It's strictly for peace of mind.

I've been at the hospital with dad most of the time. My brother stayed with dad Monday night and I stayed with mom, my son stayed with dad Tuesday night and I slept in my own bed for the first time in 6 nights.

Our other sister was off work Thursday and Friday, last week. She spent all day in the hospital with us and was here during the day on the weekend, also. She has helped transfer mom back and forth from home to the hospital and has been a big help with mom's daily needs.

It's only going to get worse, as his parents lose their independence, physically and mentally. But I know DH will call upon God for wisdom and strength.

In the words of a dear friend of the family: "Your parents are truly blessed to have you as a son." And I am blessed to have ample reasons to continue writing on this blog.

I'm still happy, and I still love my husband!

2007-02-20T19:27:00.000-09:00

One of my favorite bloggers is the Happy Husband.
He writes:

"For those of you who have been wondering, I’m still a Happy Husband. I’m just not a blogging husband anymore. Even so, I still think in terms of blogging sometimes. If I’d had the time and inclination over the past few months to actually put my thoughts on the web, these are a few of the things I would have written about. We’re having another baby. Tomorrow. Literally."

Congratulations to the "Happy" family! And what a cute picture of his newborn baby girl!

Like Mr. Happy, life just gets in the way of blogging, especially through the very busy holiday season. I've been working full-time as a floral designer in a retail store. That's a sure-fire formula for stress!

But, I'm still happy! This was my best winter ever, and I rejoice daily over the lifting of the chronic depression that has plagued me for more than two years. There were recent studies that suggested that shopping has "therepeutic" benefits, so perhaps the retail environment has been helpful. Certainly, the bright lights, colorful displays, cheery music, and festive fragrances were healing to my senses.

And, yes, I STILL dearly love my husband! More on that in my next post ...

Hey! I've been noticed!

2006-11-28T08:24:00.000-09:00

Even though my name was mutilated into something "gory" (Gorybeam) -- a far cry from "glory" -- I've been noticed enough to have a post devoted to my blog on trendblogs! Interestingly, the author admits to seeking the very same blog that inspired the creation of mine. When I first read "100 reasons why I hate my husband" I was so horrified at the content, I decided to try my own blog, "Why I love my husband". Alas, since I've been working full-time, my inspiration/motivation has slowed considerably. I'm only a third of the way through 100 reasons! But, eventually my list shall be completed!

Reason #36: He's not like Ted Haggard!

2006-11-11T23:25:00.000-09:00

(I know that title seems mean-spirited, but I hope it makes more sense after reading my post.)

Recently, DH was relating to the staff some of the details from the fall of Ted Haggard into immorality. It rocked the world of an associate pastor who was on staff with DH. John* came into the office the next morning, and without any form of perfunctory greeting, he asked: "Well, who's next? Me, or you?" DH was so taken aback that he couldn't find his voice. After a moment, he sputtered, "Neither! It doesn't have to be either one of us, John, by the grace of God!"

We had the paradoxical privilege of being honored for "Pastor Appreciation" on the same day that Pastor Ted Haggard was being dishonored and defrocked. It was a very emotional weekend, and many were reeling worldwide from the scandal at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. The higher the pedestal, the harder the fall.

Unfortunately, the ripple effect or aftershock of such a hard fall is felt by many pastors far and away. The devil likes to taunt them: he whispers words that cause fears, doubts, and worries to escalate. "What if I fall?" He tears marriages apart, one thread at a time, ripping away at years of trusted foundations, by whispering to the pastor's wife, "What if he falls?" "What if he's hiding something? What if everyone else knows, but me?"

Sitting in the church service on the morning of November 5th, I knew that many people had questions in their minds about how we were handling this scandal. Perhaps the devil was even tempting them to wonder if we would be "next" to fall. Appropriately, DH's sermon was on the "Battle for the Mind" and he cautioned about allowing such thoughts to formulate. In his series on the armor of God (Eph. 6) He used the illustration of how the helmet was the last article to put on, but the most important one to wear to war. He said that soldiers would often carry battle-axes to swing in hopes of knocking off the opponent's head. Somehow, he got his words mixed up in the point of his illustration, and he ended up putting his huge foot into his big mouth. (It's really quite a feat, but he seems to have the knack for it.) This time, his blunder was putting me in a bad light, somehow implying that I was an "old battle-axe". So I could feel the eyes of many in the audience, wondering how I would react to such an insult.

The idea that I should speak to the congregation had been birthed sometime in the wee hours of the morning; and kept growing with stronger conviction throughout the service. I hate public speaking, and especially extemporaneous speeches! I struggled with the sense of conviction that God wanted me to say something, arguing that it would be much smoother if He would only give me a week to write it all out! By the end of the service, though, I could hardly stand the thumping in my chest, and I gave in to the Holy Spirit's prompting, just so I could breathe.

Here is the transcript from our podcast: with all of the glaring grammatical errors.
I trust that the message was received with forgiveness for my emotional state.

"I am by nature a very shy person and I hate to be up in front of people but I feel very compelled this morning. Would you pray for me as I speak that I would be used of God and say the right words? I want--on this day of Pastor Appreciation--to express my profound and deep appreciation for my husband, my pastor. I love him, and more than LOVE, I deeply admire and respect him. And I am so thankful that I can say that today, especially in light of all of this situation going on with Ted Haggard. But, what I want to share with you, is yes, there are vast differences between our Pastor and Pastor Ted. But really there’s only two things that separate them, and one is humbleness: his humbleness, and the other is the grace of God; but for the grace of God, he too could fall. And in Ted’s statement that was read this morning to the congregation, he said his own pride kept him from going for help; he did try at first, but then his own pride kept him, and started him down the path of deception to his own family and his own congregation. And I am so thankful: even his name means “little or humble” and I am so thankful for the gift of humility that God gives to him. Now does he always operate in that humbleness? NO! And, does he have faults? YES! I believe he called me a “battle-axe” this morning. Ha Ha Ha! That was an example of an illustration gone very awry. But I love him in spite of his faults, and I appreciate him because I can deeply respect him for the man of God that he is, That he is as authentic behind the pulpit as he is in front of us: his family and his children. So thank you, … my Pastor!"

(* John is a pseudonym)

Happy Birthday, Honey!

2006-09-20T07:40:00.000-08:00

DH had his 42nd birthday, September 19. It's been a tough season for him. I don't know if it's "mid-life crisis" or "spiritual warfare" or both. I do know that he has been asking lots of questions about his gifts and calling as a pastor.

It's been hard for the whole family to have me working full-time. Quite frankly, we simply aren't making it financially and haven't been for a few years. Working full-time has helped, but the expenses still are greater than the income. We seriously need to downsize, but if we move... it's too difficult to fathom–whether it would be across town or across the continent, it would be a huge endeavor.

I forgot to mention that it's a seasonal pattern for DH (and thousands or even millions of people) to experience depression in the fall. It's called Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it's especially prevalent in northern regions, like ALASKA! So, we have tried to take all the necessary precautions and treatments available; light therapy, medications, vitamins, exercise, etc.. Just looking out the window, knowing that the darkness and the cold are encroaching upon us, is depressing!

We didn't do very much to celebrate DH's birthday. No cake, no balloons, no party. But, he did have a birthday lunch with his staff, (I was able to take an extended lunch break to attend) and he did get presents and cards, and a fruit pie.

I'm always pretty lame in the gift-giving department, but I gave him a card and a candy bar, and I cleaned the house for him (probably the most appreciated effort, since his "love language" is acts of service and domestic support.) The kids and I ordered a gift for him on-line, but it hasn't arrived yet, unfortunately.

He got to go moose-hunting with a couple of guys from church; a medic and a wilderness guide, so I wasn't too worried! He had fun, but they didn't get a moose. (Too bad, it would have helped to get a freezer-full of moose meat; it tastes great mixed with ground beef in meals like spaghetti and tacos.)

We had a very nice evening together on the night before his birthday. He took me up to Murphy Dome, where the elevation is above tree level, and we watched the sunset together, holding hands. We took lots of pictures, too. We also had a great time in bed, later that night. I would normally not mention that, but it is a very important aspect of a relationship and this is all about meeting each other's needs: and sex is a big one for most men! (DH is convinced that it helps to raise my seratonin levels also; I won't argue with him, but I've heard that chocolate does as well. :-) )

Another year, another birthday, another day to be thankful that we have each other. I really do love you, Honey–I hope your birthday was happy, and I pray that all your days will be happier!

Reason #35: He prays like my dad!

2006-08-13T16:52:00.001-08:00

My Dh recently performed a marriage ceremony: but the bride wanted it to be "short and sweet." She would not have appreciated the eloquence and verbosity of my father's wedding sermons; and she asked that my husband make the devotional "simple".

The wedding was simply elegant: even the decorations were sparse, but beautiful. The ceremony was so simple it could have bordered on "boring" (especially since there was no music besides the prelude, processional, and recessional). DH did a fine job, even though he would have liked to add a little more "flair" to the message.

Quoted below is "A Marriage Prayer":

O God of love, you have established marriage for the welfare and happiness of mankind. Yours was the plan, and only with you can we work it out with joy. You have said, “it is not good for a man to live alone . . . I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now our joys are doubled, since the happiness of one is the happiness of the other; our burdens are halved, since, when we share them, we divide the load. Bless this husband. Bless him as provider for the needs of those he loves. Sustain him in all his struggles in the contest of life. May his strength be her protection, his character be her joy and assurance. May he so live that she may find in him the haven for which the heart of a woman truly longs. Bless this loving wife. Give her a tenderness that makes her great . . . a deep sense of understanding and a great faith in You. Give her that inner beauty of soul that never fades, eternal youth that is found in holding fast to the things that never age. May she so live that he may be pleased always to reverence and adore her.

May they never make the mistake of merely living for each other. Teach them that marriage is not living for each other. It is two uniting and joining hands to serve You, the living God. Give them a great spiritual purpose in life. May they seek first the kingdom that is yours, and its righteousness, so that all other things may be added unto them. Loving you best, they shall love each other all the more. And faithful unto You, faithful unto each other they will remain.

May they not expect that perfection of each other that belongs alone to You. May they minimize each other’s weaknesses, be swift to praise and magnify each other’s strengths and beauty, and see each other through a lover’s kind and patient eyes. Give them a little something to forgive each day, that they may grow in the grace of long-suffering and love. And may they be forbearing with each other’s omissions and commissions as You are with theirs. Make such assignments to them according to Your will as will bless them and develop their character as they walk together. Give them enough tears to keep them tender, enough hurts to keep them humane, enough of failure to keep their hands clenched tightly in Yours, and enough success to make them sure they belong to You. May they never take each other’s love for granted, but always experience that breathless wonder that exclaims: “Out of all this world, you have chosen me!” Then when life is done, and the sun is setting, may they be found, then as now, still hand in hand, still so proud, thanking you so very much for each other. May they serve You happily, faithfully, together, until at last one shall lay the other in Your arms. This we ask through Jesus Christ, great lover of souls. Amen.

Reason #34: He's a Four-wheeling Fanatic!

2006-07-06T18:35:00.000-08:00

We recently purchased two investments: used four-wheelers, otherwise known as ATV's (all-terrain vehicles). We went further into debt for the sake of a cause: FUN! This was a deliberate choice we made as a family, as an investment into our sanity for staying in Alaska. I believe it was a response to the prayers of our son, when he was only seven years old, as we were traveling up the "Al-Can" highway, and stopped at a restaurant along the way just outside of Fairbanks. Ben prayed, "Dear God, thank you for this food, and help us to have fun in Alaska." We've been trying to do that for five years.

The kids have been having a blast riding the four-wheelers with DH. I went twice, and the last time I went it was just DH and me, so I drove. It was a beautiful day, and the trails were in good condition. I didn't get to enjoy the scenery very much, though. Between dodging branches and bugs, working to avoid deep ruts and rocks, and trying to keep up with DH at breakneck speeds, I had enough to focus on. Around every treacherous corner, I was afraid I would meet up with a bear or oncoming vehicle. All I could think about was the question, "Are we there, yet?"

I began to consider the analogy of a shopping excursion, a road trip, and an ATV outing. We all know that some people like to "conquer the trip" when it comes to taking a road trip. Those are the types that have an agenda, and a strict schedule. With military precision, they keep both hands on the wheel, and one eye on the clock. All bathroom breaks are coordinated and executed like a pitstop at a racetrack. Other people like to take road trips like a "Sunday Drive" -- ambling along, at leisure, meandering through country paths -- just out enjoying the scenery.

There are two ways to approach a shopping excursion, as well. One person (stereotypically, it's the man) goes shopping like he's a caveman out hunting in the wild. He stalks his "prey" and pounces on it, bags it and carries it out of the store. Another person likes to play on all of the senses (sight=colors; touch=textures, hearing=store music; smell=perfume; taste=samples???) for the total "shopping experience." Recent studies suggest that shopping IS theraputic, after all.

One person's relaxation and therapy can be another person's nightmare and torture! I guess that was the lesson I learned on that four-wheeling adventure. For DH, it was a rejuvenating ride out into the sunset; for me, it was a grinding-teeth, clenched-fist ordeal. All for the sake of FUN! Ah, the things we do for love!

Reason #33: He's a Fisherman and a Fisher of Men!

2006-07-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

Two fishing trips in one week is unusual for my workaholic husband! But the salmon were "running" and the guys from church invited DH to go "dip-netting" in the Chitna River. DH took our son, Ben, for the second year in a row, on the excursion. Last year, they stood on the shore, after climbing down a treacherous cliff to get to the riverbank. This year, they were invited by someone with a boat, so they were able to maneuver the rough ridges and crevasses of the river better.

DH told me AFTER they came home that a man had nearly died the previous week at the same spot they fished. The man wore a life preserver, and was tied to shore with a safety rope, but the 47 degree water turned him into a "popsicle" quickly after he fell in, and it took rescuers over thirty minutes to pull him to shore. He was paralyzed from hypothermia, and suffered cuts and bruises from being dashed into the rocks, but he was alive!

The guys had fun, even though it was a lot of work, and the fish weren't as plentiful as they had hoped. They ended up staying the night on Tuesday, so that they could go back out for more the next day, after the rain and winds died down. They did not make it back in town for Wednesday evening mid-week service at church, which really surprised me.

Then, Saturday, DH went on another fishing adventure, ALL DAY! This time, they fished for greyling in a lake. It was raining and windy again, and they all got wet, but they got some fish, and we promptly fried it up and ate it, at the home of one of the fishermen. That meant that DH was gone all day and into the evening on Saturday, which is just unheard of. Saturdays are one of DH's favorite days to work in the office, because there is less traffic and distraction from people stopping by to see him, and all the staff members have Saturdays off.

As we crawled in to bed, DH weakly confessed, "I don't have my sermon finished or my Sunday School lesson." So, bright and early, Sunday morning, DH rose to face the day at 5:00am. He finished putting the "meat" to his outline of his sermon, and had to make a Powerpoint presentation, but the bulletin notes were already done and inserted into the bulletin.

"Change My Attitude" is the name of the sermon series that DH is preaching, and it deals with the Old Testament stories of Moses and Joshua. This time the subject was "Rebellion" and it was a powerful message. DH preached about how the Israelites grumbled and complained against their leaders, and the ground opened up and swallowed them, and fire zapped them, and plagues destroyed them. He remarked that it sounds like something out of a "sci-fi" movie, but that "this is serious stuff, folks!" Rebellion needs to be dealt with fully and completely.

Even though he didn't spend the usual obsessive amount of time at the office last week, DH did do a lot of fishing, both literally and figuratively. The culmination of the week was when he presented the message that God loves each one of us, and wants us to surrender our lives to His control, because He is a Good, Loving God. There are parts of our lives that we want to retain control over, and we try to rule our own destiny, but it is only out of rebellion.

As DH made his final comments, the conviction was so heavy it could almost be felt in the air, and the sound of crying could be heard throughout the sanctuary. Then, he masterfully "reeled in" the wayward hearts and led them to the altar of repentance. He had been practicing that technique all week in the natural realm; things of the spirit often mirror the physical.

The "fisherman" was also a "fisher of men".

Reason #32: He's a People Person!

2006-06-22T18:48:00.000-08:00

"Take me out to the Ball Game" (or, not ...)

Summer Solstice is a big deal here in Fairbanks, Alaska. On June 21, every year, we have a "Midnight Sun Festival" and the Goldpanners Midnight Sun Baseball game. We celebrate the fact that this game begins at 10:30pm, and goes right on through midnight, without any artificial lighting. It's usually broad daylight right up until midnight or so, and then the sun slips under the horizon and peeks back up within a two-hour period. Even if the sky is overcast, there is enough light to read a book or play a ball game all night long. It's great for weekend campouts, but not so great for ordinary weekday worknights, because the light can make you sleep-deprived.

DH bought a couple of tickets to the game, from the coordinator of our "forty's group" at church. He didn't think the kids would be interested in going along, as they vetoed the game last year. When our son, Ben, said he wanted to go, I volunteered my ticket, and said that would be a nice "father-son" outing. DH apparently didn't HEAR that information, because on the day of the game, he came home with another ticket, and informed me that I was going by saying, "I'll see you at the game after church."

When I protested, DH made a hurtful, manipulative comment about not liking people, and quoted from a book by Mike Mason, "Practicing the Presence of People." Needless to say, I went to the ball game. After an hour and a half of sitting on a cold bench, enduring cold winds and mosquitoes, and having virtually no conversation with people, (DH sat in the row ahead of me, to save seats for others in the group), I left. And I cried the whole way home. DH had brought along a staff member, and they both sat next to a single, lonely man, from our church. He was engaged in conversation the whole time; ignoring his son, and ignoring his wife. It felt just like church to me, sitting alone on a crowded pew/bench.

Oh, the games we play!

Why I love my husband as a DAD!

2006-06-17T22:47:00.000-08:00

Taken from the Family Man Online:

My Husband As a Dad

By Thankful Moms

Family Man asked a few women out there: What about your husband/partner do you especially like about his role as a father?

These are their responses...

Recently I heard Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle” -- the tearjerker where the detached, indifferent father raises a son "just like him." This time, it made me smile because I knew that the role model for my three sons was my husband, Jonathan. As a father, he teaches them respect, sensitivity, good sportsmanship, and a love of family and learning. He has even taught them that men wash dishes. I couldn't be prouder than to say that my boys, "Grow up just like him."

-- Laurie B.

He's always there to catch our daughters when they fall, wipe their noses when they're oozing, and ease their worries when they are crying in the middle of the night. The point is, he's a dad (and husband) first and everything else is next.

-- Edye U.

I could go on and on, but here are the TOP 10 things I love about my husband being a dad:
1. He is always ready to play--even if the kids aren't!
2. He always knows the “right” thing to say -- he’s reasonable.
3. He is always cool, calm, and collected.
4. He is always giving 110 percent.
5. He is always up for a trip to Disneyland.
6. He is always positive (well, about 99.5 percent of the time).
7. He is always up for pancakes at Bob's Big Boy.
8. He is always willing to do the dirty work -- diapers, cleaning the grill for a party, doing the laundry, etc.
9. He is handy (he can put together toys).
10. He is SWEEEEEEEET!

-- Jackie F.

My husband is very handy around the house. It is a great comfort to me to know that he can fix just about anything that breaks. Growing up in a house without a dad, I really appreciate the worry that he takes off my shoulders whenever the washing machine overflows, birds make a nest in the eaves, or the pool lining rips. For the same reason, I appreciate him at night, as I am still a bit "afraid of the dark." After four kids and 11 years of marriage, I am confident that he will always be here for us. While it may sound old fashioned, he is a great provider and protector. Plus, he makes me laugh, makes a mean pancake, and still tells me I look good. I wish everyone were as lucky.

-- Elizabeth D.

When we first began talking about having kids it absolutely made me melt to have him whisper, "let's have a baby" and know that he truly meant it. When our son falls down, he runs to pick him up and wipe him off. When he's eating something, Daddy constantly worries that Joshua is going to choke. Bath time is daddy time, he changes every other diaper or pull-up and never complains. He encourages our son to take risks but never stands too far away. The thing I admire most about my husband is his commitment. His commitment to being the best daddy ever, to always be there for the important things, to always encourage and never discourage, to always love and protect his precious angels (even in the womb). It's nice to take stock every once in a while and remember what a blessing he is in our lives.

-- Amy J.

I love to see my husband, Harvey, with our daughters Jessica and Pamela enjoying themselves together. Even at the tender ages of 4 and 18 months, they enjoy listening to dad play the saxophone as they sing and dance along to familiar tunes. It is sheer joy watching them enjoy music together. My husband shows the girls that dads can really be fun.

-- Rosalind K.

Herman (daddy to Kenya and Kayla) devotes so much time and effort to his girls, from teaching them how to ride a bike to giving them baths every night. I am expecting another baby any day now and Herman ensures that the girls have dinner, baths and nightly stories, and most important, prayer time every single night. He is always up to date on what’s happening in my 7-year-old’s personal life (like she should have one). She talks to him all the time about things going on at school and in her life when she wouldn’t dare tell them to me. Where most men cannot be left with the kids for more than 2 hours, I have been able to leave my children with Daddy for 2 to 3 days at a time. I am truly grateful for a husband and father like Herman Lee.

-- Bobbie L.

Our children are our life. They have brought such joy into it. I know, especially with Easton, that life has been put into another perspective. The children look a lot like him, and act like him too. He is an amazing father and I see such pride and happiness in his eyes when they give him hugs and kisses, when they call for him. Especially when they run to him and throw their arms around his neck. He has sacrificed a lot for our children and me. Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy. Jason is truly a Daddy.

-- Stormy K.

Reason #31: He Brought Me Breakfast in Bed!

2006-05-15T20:52:00.000-08:00

Well, sort of...

This morning, I "hollered" out to DH, who was in the kitchen, "Hey, bring me one of those muffins, would you?" and he did. A few minutes later, I piped up again from my perch in bed, and said, "Um, Honey, a cold glass of milk would sure be nice." And he brought me a glass of milk. I guess that counts, doesn't it?

I didn't get breakfast in bed for Mother's Day; thus, I was pretty well convinced I wouldn't get it this morning, or any other morning, unless I took matters into my own hands. I had a rough day, yesterday, mostly due to my unrealistic expectations and unhealthy self-esteem. Today, I woke up to a new morning, a new mind-set, and new mercies. ("Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day." Lamentations 3:23 NLT)

Don't get me wrong--DH was wonderful about giving me a beautiful card for Mother's Day, and gifts from the kids, too. My emotional slump was not caused by anything DH did or did not do. Rather, it was about who I am, and who I really want to be or wish I was.

A man tends to rate all of life's experiences on a performance scale: do I measure up? do I have what it takes to perform? A woman, on the other hand, asks only one question, through a myriad of lenses: am I worthwhile? do I have any value or beauty?

A word of advice to all of you dear husbands: don't wait for your wives to ask you for breakfast in bed. And to all the ladies, don't expect your husbands to read your minds--if you want a muffin and some milk, you'd better ask for it, or you'll get old and grey, waiting for it.

Reason #30: He Did "Show & Tell" for Career Day!

2006-05-11T07:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, DH was a special speaker for our son's chapel service. Ben (our son's nickname) goes to a private Christian School, and yesterday was "Career Day". A nurse, a doctor, a fireman, and an engineer were some of the invited guests, but only my husband, the minister, showed up to speak. (Halfway through his presentation a mechanic arrived, so he was able to participate also.)

DH did such a wonderful job! He made his speech into an object lesson, pulling "tools of the trade" out of his briefcase, just like a child's version of "Show and Tell!" He interacted with the children from the first "Good Morning!" telling them that they were more responsive than his own congregation when they cheerily shouted back a greeting.

The first "tool" he pulled from his briefcase was a huge red heart, cut out of construction paper. This was the most important tool of ministry, he said, because without a heart you cannot love God and love people. He recommended not going into the ministry without a real love for people.

The second tool was like the first, a construction-paper-cut-out ear. As with his first object, he asked the children for responses: "Why do you think you would need an ear in ministry?" The students answered well: "to hear what God is saying to you, so you can tell the people"; and, "to listen to people who are hurting and have problems."

DH's third tool was a clock. "Now, clocks don't mean anything to a pastor when he is preaching," he quipped, but he explained that a clock represented time, schedules, and priorities. "No, pastors don't work only on Sundays," he laughingly retorted to a kindergartner in the front row. "I put in about 50 - 60 hours a week, but I like to work, so I could live at the church and be happy."

Reaching back into his briefcase, DH pulled out a white towel. "What do you think I would need this for?" he quizzed the crowd. "Wiping the sweat off your face," one very astute little girl volunteered. "Drying off the ones who got baptized," said another clever little boy. "Yes, those are right answers," DH agreed, "But, does anyone remember a story in the Bible, where Jesus might have used a towel like this to wash something? In the Book of John, chapter 13, Jesus washed the feet of all his disciples to show them that being like Jesus meant being a servant. A minister must always be willing to serve people."

"Two more tools and then I'm done," DH said, for his concluding remarks. He pulled out a thick black Bible, and held it up high. "This is your textbook," he said. "If you want to be a pastor, and show people the ways of God, you have to know the ways of God. Learn to love the Word of God, and study the Bible as hard as you would study for one of Mr. Smith's tests." (Mr. Smith is the high school teacher.)

Finally, DH pulled out a telephone from his briefcase, and held it up. "In the ministry, you have to always be available, always "on call" for people in crisis. This phone rings a lot in our house. That's something our family has become accustomed to, and they know that I have to answer the telephone when someone calls for me. Another thing that this telephone represents is the calling of God. I don't recommend going into the ministry if you are not 100% sure that you are called to be a pastor. You have to know that you know He has called you, and God will confirm his calling to you in many ways."

Short and sweet, his presentation lasted about fifteen minutes--and then the school principal came up to ask for questions from the audience. He answered a few questions, and thanked the principal for inviting him, and then it was the mechanic's turn for "Show and Tell". Conversely, the mechanic did not bring any tools of his trade, so he had to just talk about them.

Reason #29: He's a Competitive Sports Player!

2006-05-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

I cheered my DH on in his first game of the season with the church softball league tonight. He's a bit rusty, and more than a bit out of shape, but my man's still "got it"! He was so cute today, worrying about the game tonight. He went to the batting cages; he practiced throwing balls with Mia; he bought new cleats and conditioned his ball glove; he even looked up the softball rules on the internet to refresh his memory.

He played catcher on the church team for years, but it was fifteen years ago! Tonight, he played a catcher again. He went two for three--hitting two doubles--and he caught two foul balls, and tagged one out at home. Most of the team members acted impressed with his performance. One of the onlookers commented, "He's a pretty competitive player, isn't he?" I heard one guy say, "Wow! He did good!" after DH made solid contact with the bat and sank it into a hole deep in left field, paving the way for a double. On his second time at bat, DH hit another double, and one team member shouted, "Take two! Full steam ahead!" DH hustled, and made it to second base, but he told me later, "I didn't have the heart to tell him I was already running full steam ahead!" He got some good comments from the coach, and lots of good-natured ribbing about being the oldest guy on the team.

One thing is sure, DH is gonna be sore tomorrow! He called my cell phone while I was picking up a few groceries after work, and asked me to bring him home some "icy hot"--planning ahead for the pain. Those leg muscles got a work-out tonight; all that squatting at the batter's box!

I think it will be a good experience for DH to get back out and play a little ... as long as he doesn't hurt himself! It's fun to cheer for our team, and for him, and show the world that I'm his biggest fan!

Reason #28: He's a Wonderful Funeral Officiant!

2006-05-02T16:41:00.000-08:00

I know preachers are supposed to do weddings and funerals; that's all part of their job description. Like the old preacher's joke says, "I can hatch 'em, match 'em, and dispatch 'em!" But, my DH truly has a gift when it comes to funeral officiating.

We had a funeral on Saturday that included FIVE ministers, one Bible college student, and various family members participating in the program. It took a well-organized, diplomatic person to plan and direct that ceremony.

Even if each minister took only five minutes (that would be a miracle!) it would take twenty-five minutes to complete the ceremony. Add to that a poem, two video presentations, three hymns, and several comments from the congregation--it could take up to three hours!

The memorial service started out well, beginning (on time!) with a slide presentation. Each pastor spoke briefly, sharing a scripture or two, and eulogizing the beloved departed one. Interspersed with the speakers, a congregational hymn was sung, and a poem was read. The service was flowing smoothly along, until ... a dear elderly lady was invited to the microphone to share memories of her time as a Bible student under the discipleship of the memorialized professor. As she began to share her memories, more memories surfaced, and more stories were shared. Five minutes passed, then ten, then twenty. It became more about her own life story than about the history of the one who had passed away.

Surely you have been subjected to a similar discomfort as a tortured member of a captive audience, when the speaker went on endlessly, oblivious to the anguished body language of the "bored-to-tears" listeners. You could probably identify with those who suffered in silence, stifling yawns, and suppressing the urge to get up and leave. So, too, you would relate to the shock and relief that passed through the crowd, when my DH sprang into action!

DH had prepared for this very "snag" in the program, by coming down from the platform, and sitting on the front row, very near the place where the microphone stood. He offered the dear lady that microphone to speak from, rather than allowing her to "take the pulpit" and hoped that would assure brevity to her remarks. When it became apparent that nothing was going to work, he very tactfully and lovingly intervened. A cell phone rang in the audience, catching the speaker off guard, and taking advantage of the brief lull, my DH rose from the pew, grabbed the woman in a half-hug, and addressed the audience with the words: "Aren't you thankful for what God has done in this woman's life?" (He used her name, of course, but I shan't.) "Let's all give the Lord praise for what He has done." And the crowd clapped, a little too enthusiastically but nonetheless, with praise!

Escorting her to the front pew, he sat her down, and then took his place back up on the platform. Immediately, in unison, three of the other ministers whispered, "Good job!" as he sat down, and one of them said, "I could never have done that!" in tones of wonderment and awe.

A second slide presentation was shown, another minister spoke, and then DH offered some closing comments. Before he gave the benediction, he announced that a microphone would be set up in the fellowship hall for those who wished to add their comments, and a video recorder would permanently memorialize their tributes.

I think my DH met the expectations of the scripture verse: Let all things be done decently and in order. (1 Corinthians 14:40 KJV) I also think he exceeded the expectations of the family and friends, in paying tribute to their loved one, by honoring him with a truly wonderful memorial service.

--And that's just one of the many reasons why I love my husband!

Reason #27: He has a Pleasant Voice!

2006-04-27T20:55:00.000-08:00

DH has a very nice "easy-listening" voice. His tonal quality is a sort of bass-baritone, with a pleasant resonance: not too "nasal" or with too much vibrato. He has what is often called a "radio voice" -- thankfully, without the "face that was made for radio"!

There is a radio program called "Nightsounds" hosted by Bill Pierce, that "offers excitingly beautiful and mellow music and verbal support, to meet the spiritual, emotional and ... physical needs of ... listeners who need a touch of quiet, soul satisfying inspiration and hope...". This is the kind of program that DH could easily step into, as a radio host.

I played a portion of the program over the internet, and DH instantly recognized the voice, and named the program! It's been years since we both heard that program; after all, it's only on in the "wee hours" of the morning; but with internet access, and the time difference, we can listen to it now at early evening hours!

I've often said that DH should "moonlight" as a radio host for a religious program, on a local radio station. He truly has a pleasant voice.

Reason #26: He Can Sing!

2006-04-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

Moving on to the next 25 reasons, I'd like to cheat a bit and emphasize two aspects of the same subject: his voice! My DH has a pleasant voice, which I will elaborate on more in Reason #26.

Since we both recently participated in our church Easter Musical presentation, I have to say that I am proud of my DH. He can sing! He was a valuable asset to the bass section, and I hope I helped to contribute to the soprano section.

DH was a late bloomer, in regards to vocal accomplishment. He went away to college, took a few voice lessons, and surprised everyone who knew him when he came home and sang a solo in church.

Of course, it's no surprise to me that he can sing. That was one of the requirements on my list for a future mate! We sang together during long romantic walks on our college campus. We sang together in Revivaltime Choir, a famous traveling college choir and radio broadcast program. We sang together in churches and nursing homes.

DH hasn't done a whole lot of singing, though. He sang "It is Well With My Soul" at his grandmother's funeral about four years ago. I think that's the last time he sang a solo.

A voice is like an instrument. If it gets out of practice, the voice gets a little "rusty" and crackly. DH said he had a bit of trouble with his voice, during the rehearsals and even the actual presentation. But, I'm sure no one else would have noticed.

I hope that DH continues to sing, exercising his instrument for God's glory!

"I just don't love him anymore!" (April FOOL's!)

2006-04-01T16:48:00.000-09:00

In this lame attempt at an April Fool's joke, I have copied an article with some very good advice about a subject that is no joke!

Relationships home

Do I love my husband?

by Susan Quilliam

I've been married for 20 years to a kind, but boring, man. I have always gone out with my friends and had a good time, but recently I met a man at a club and I can't stop thinking about him. I even sent him an email through Friends Reunited, but he hasn't replied.

Now I'm very depressed and don't know if I love my husband any more. I have told him how I feel, and although he says he is willing to change and that we'll do more together, I think it's too late. How can I feel so strongly about a man I've only known for two hours?

It sounds as if you've been unhappy with your marriage for a while, and now you've met someone you like, that unhappiness seems really clear. All the negative emotion you've been pushing down has come shooting up - so you feel angry, upset and rejecting towards your husband. And all the positive emotion you haven't felt for years has also come shooting up - so you feel passionate, needy and obsessed with this other man.

Problem is, what you feel for him isn't real and it isn't love. You don't know him so you can't possibly love him, care for him or build a relationship with him. Plus, of course, there's no evidence that he wants you.

This is tough talking, I know, but you need to realise two things. First, what you're feeling for this man is not the basis for leaving your husband. Secondly, that something is wrong with your marriage and you need to sort it out.

It's almost certainly possible to mend your relationship with your husband if the two of you are willing to try. But you won't be able to do it alone. Arrange some counselling sessions with Relate. If through the sessions you realise that your marriage is at an end, the counsellor will help you part in the best possible way.

The bottom line here, hard though it is, is that what you feel for this man does not mean that you and he have a future together. But he has given you a gift - the courage to sort your life out!

Seriously, if you can relate to this article, I pray that you will find someone to offer counsel and spiritual guidance for your relationship.

100 ways to Love Your Husband!

2006-03-23T21:36:00.000-09:00

Having made it to 25 reasons (WHEW!), I decided to take a bit of a breather, and post a list that somebody else has made. This one is more proactive: rather than focusing on what your spouse does (or doesn't do) to show love to you, try listing ways that you can love him or her instead.

100 WAYS YOU CAN LOVE YOUR HUSBAND HIS WAY!

(Author Unknown) (Click on the title above for original website)

Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.

Communicate with him respectfully.
Regard him as important and let him know he's important to you.
Do everything you can to at least understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
Be interested in his friends and occasionally give him time with them (if they are trust-worthy men).
Ask for his opinion and let him know you value what he says.
Tell him you both love him AND like him.
Let him feel your approval and affections.
Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Avoid sudden major changes without discussion giving him time to adjust.
When you go out on a date together don't bring up problems—reserve that time to one of having fun together.
Focus on what he's doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
Correct him gently and in private.
Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for the way the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes of seeing each other a more positive experience if possible. (And then ease into the negative if it's necessary.)
Make special time available to him apart from the children.
Don't allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. You should be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.
Compliment him often.
Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a marital team.
Don't over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
Be forgiving when he offends you.
Find ways to show him you need him.
Encourage alone time for him when it's possible. (This energizes him to reconnect with you at other times.)
Admit your mistakes; don't be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
Defend him to anyone who is being disrespectful in their talk about him, remembering that love protects (1 Corinthians 13:7).
Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he's not tired).
Write him a letter occasionally, telling him how much you love him.
Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind.
Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
Tell him how proud you are of him.
Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
Help your husband to be the Spiritual head of the home (without "lording" it over him that you're helping).
Look for ways to reserve some of your energies for him so you're not so tired when he wants and needs you sexually.
Don't expect him to do projects beyond his capabilities. All men aren't born equal in this area of expertise.
Pray for him to enjoy God's best in life.
Take the time to notice what he has done for you and the family.
Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he's not there.
Share your thoughts and feelings with him (but keep it brief when he's tired—sometimes men can feel "flooded" by too many words).
Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
Honor him in front of the children (and differ respectfully in private when it's necessary).
Give him time to unwind for a few minutes after coming home from work, and then take your "time out", giving him a few minutes with the children.
Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not, it's a sacrifice worth making.)
Be his "help-mate" in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie or driving quietly in a car) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
Be a student of your husband's ways so you can show your love for him in ways he'll better comprehend it.
When your husband is in a bad mood—give him quiet time to recover.
Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when he needs your help.
Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: "Handle With Care".
Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
Be kind & thoughtful to his relatives. Don't make him choose between you & them.
Don't compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
Thank him for things he's done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
Don't expect credit for all you do for him and the household. Do it as "unto the Lord".
Make sure he understands everything important that you're planning to do.
Do little things for him—an unexpected kiss, coffee in bed, etc.
Don't belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to "work" at home.
Get to the point in your discussions with him. Spare him details unless he wants them.
Discover his sexual needs.
Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
Wink at him from across the room when you're out at a group function.
Give him the benefit of the doubt when he says things in a wrong way. Think, "What's he really trying to say?"
Don't quarrel over words.
Don't forget to use common courtesies with your husband. (Too often we're kinder to strangers than we are to our own spouse.)
When something goes wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
Never say, "I told you so."
Don't argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
Hold his hand in public. Snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones. (And if you need to discuss the bad ones do so respectfully, looking for ways to make better decisions in the future.)
Tell him you love him often.
Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
Sit with him while he's watching television—even if the program doesn't interest you.
Don't ask of him to read your mind. (Family's are spared the grief when a husband isn't required to read their wife's mind despite the fact that the woman thinks he should.)
Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
Check with him before you throw away his junky looking papers. (He may view them as more important than you realize.)
Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
Carefully choose your words, especially when angry—remembering, as the Bible says, to "speak the truth in LOVE".
Don't criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
Visit his childhood home with him.
When you're angry with him, express it in ways that are respectful. Don't give him the silent treatment.
Pray for him.
Make him homemade soup when he's sick.
Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
Don't disagree with him in front of the children.
Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
Be gracious in teaching him how to show you ways that will demonstrate his love for you.
Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
Thank him for just being himself.

Reason #25: He's giving me "A Weekend to Remember!"

2006-03-21T18:09:00.000-09:00

This coming weekend, DH and I will drive to Anchorage, AK, (about 400 miles south) for a marriage retreat! That is the plan, at least, God willing.

DH's father had a heart attack last weekend. (He turned 83 years old in February.) DH wasn't sure if he needed to fly down to be with them or not, but his dad is fine, though recovering from two separate procedures to place stints in two of his arteries (one was 80% blocked, the other one was 100% blocked). He has friends and family there to support them.

My step-dad is celebrating his 60th birthday this Friday night, with a big party. If it were not for the marriage retreat, I would have probably taken a flight to visit him and my mom. He'll be fine, though; there will be many friends and family there to honor his birthday.

I'm almost holding my breath in anticipation of this "Weekend to Remember" marriage retreat! I've waited so long ... I've been asking DH to take me to some sort of marriage retreat for twenty years. In that twenty years, we have hosted several retreats, taught at some retreats, and counseled many couples to go to marriage retreats. But, DH always had some excuse or another for not going with me to a retreat just for our marriage. Pastors have free registration, so that's not a good excuse--and the one about him being "too busy" is not a very good excuse, either.

As we approach our twentieth anniversary (20 years!!!) this coming May, DH has graciously granted me the opportunity of a lifetime, and signed us up for "A Weekend to Remember" for a lifetime!

All things considered, this is probably the best time ever to go to a retreat. I've heard DH muttering to himself about not wanting to attend a marriage retreat now that things are going pretty well in our relationship, for fear that some issues will come up that will "muck it all up."

Truly, we have been doing quite well relationally, and I think it is a wonderful time to build upon a healthy foundation and strengthen it with intimacy-building exercises. If we had gone last year, when I was in the throes of a terrible depression, it might not have been so edifying!

Thank you, Lord, for healing me of depression, and for allowing our relationship to improve so much that we can look forward to "A Weekend to Remember".

Thank you, DH, for being brave enough to schedule it! I can't wait!!!

Reason #24: He's my "Hottie"!

2006-03-20T22:17:00.000-09:00

Today, at work, one single female friend remarked to another single female co-worker, "There's a real Hottie"! (Cute Guy) I was standing within earshot, and I looked up with a quizzical look on my face. Mary asked me, "Did you see the Hottie?" I still registered a blank face, so she repeated herself. Finally, I asked, "What hottie?" As soon as the word passed my lips, the meaning of the word dawned on me, and I laughed out loud. "Oh Mary," I quipped, "I'm immune to hotties. I never notice them." I joked about having my head in my paperwork, and how focused I stay on my work. Then, I said, "I think my husband is a real "hottie" so I never have to look at any other guys."

They both made comments about how nice it was that I had that kind of a relationship with my husband, but one of them wryly commented that I still had eyes that could be used. I think they found it rather hard to believe that I wouldn't even notice if a cute guy walked by.

I'd rather have a boring Monday at work, and miss all the cute guys walking by, because I know I have a "hottie" to come home to. How sad I was for the husbands on the Dr. Phil show tonight, whose wives were out partying, doing drugs, and flashing private parts. Those marriages are headed for a train-wreck!

Dear DH (Dear "Hottie"),
Like the words of the song sung by the famous crooner, Frank Sinatra, "I only have eyes for you."

Reason #23: He loves "Daddy's Little Girl"

2006-03-05T00:19:00.000-09:00

I have a theory about first-born daughters. I think they look, think, and act a lot like their fathers, so that fathers have an easier time to bond with them. Mia is certainly her "father's daughter" -- she has his bone structure and body build (poor child), his aptitude for sports and large motor skills, and even his physical idiosyncracies, such as claustrophobia and sensitivity to touch.

She also has inherited his obsessive-compulsive personality, as exhibited in a strong need to have the details of the day planned out in advance, a strong dislike of being late for anything, and a workaholic nature. She seems to have a slight bit of dyslexia, like her father. She also is gifted with his powers of observation, and creativity.

Mia celebrated her fifteenth birthday, recently. Daddy's little girl is growing up! Their relationship has never been better than it is at this moment. There is a lasting, special bond--though at times it has been somewhat of a "love-hate" display of emotion, especially through the turbulence of pre-pubescence.

We couldn't be any more proud of the way she is developing into a mature young lady. She has a 4.0 in school; she is well-liked and sociable (15 girls were invited to her birthday party from her class, and they all came!); she is responsible and careful with finances, even tithing on her babysitting income; and most of all, she is tender-hearted for spiritual things, and a faithful worker for God.

I know that part of the reason their relationship has improved is the investment of more of daddy's time in his daughter's life. They have gone on trips together, and out on dates, and have daily connection time on the morning rides to school. I must admit, I have pushed hard for DH to do more things with both our children. (He was not naturally a nurturer; I have always suspected he had some sort of a dissociative attachment disorder due to his adoption.) I am thrilled with the changes that I see in both father and daughter.

I know he loves his "little" girl, and I know she knows and feels his love, too. He was just saying something the other night about "flowers in her hair" (referring to the song, "Butterfly Kisses") and it was so sweetly sentimental I was almost shocked!

Lord, thank you for the special bond between a daddy and his first-born daughter! She will always be... "Daddy's little girl."

There's two things I know for sure.
She was sent here from heaven,
and she's daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night,
she talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes.
And I thank God for all of the joy in
my life, But most of all, for...

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.
"Walk beside the pony
daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny,
daddy, but I sure tried."
Oh, with all that I've done wrong,
I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning,
And butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet sixteen today,
She's looking like her momma
a little more everyday.
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and makeup,
from ribbons and curls.
Trying her wings out in a great
big world. But I remember...

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you daddy,
But if you don't mind,
I'm only going to kiss you on
the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong
I must have done something right.
To deserve her love every morning,
And butterfly kisses at night.

Reason #22: He wants to be with me, and I WANT to be with him!

2006-02-24T20:41:00.000-09:00

(Having established in Reason #21, (please read that post first), that He wants to be with me, I shall now elaborate on how DH wants to spend his days off with me, which gives me another reason to LOVE him!)

My idea of a perfectly delightful day off is to sleep in until noon! Well, after all, it is supposed to be a day of REST, is it not? So, when DH would come bouncing boldly back into the bedroom after his morning run to carpool the kiddos, and announce with gusto that he was hungry and we should go eat breakfast at Country Kitchen, I would tend to greet his idea with something less than enthusiasm. My favorite Scripture verse is Proverbs 27: 14 "If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse."

or, as The Message Bible paraphrases,

14 If you wake your friend in the early morning

by shouting "Rise and shine!"

It will sound to him

more like a curse than a blessing.

Nevertheless, not having to cook breakfast and clean the kitchen did sound better and better the more awake I became, so I would often take him up on his offer. DH was willing to patiently wait for me to dress for the day, and soon we would be off to the restaurant. Three hours later, and thirty bucks poorer, we would finally get home again. It seemed like a long list of errands would suddenly be remembered, and I sometimes felt like a captive passenger.

Someone might be in the hospital, and DH would explain as he drove, "It would be so convenient to drop in for a quick visit on our way." Worse still, DH sometimes felt the need to sneak back into the office "just for a minute" on the pretense of retrieving a book or piece of mail, and I would have to come along for the ride, and pray that he wouldn't get side-lined by several members of the congregation who also might have just "stopped by for a minute."

By the time we would arrive home, it would only be another hour or so until the kids got home from school. There's so little time to do what needs to be done! I tend to have a different outlook on life than my husband, a sort of predisposition to play first, then work. My husband's mindset is usually ALL work and no play! So, just about the time I'm getting into a craft project or a creative writing outlet, DH has to go and mention nagging chores such as bill-paying and laundry. UUGGGHH!

I do appreciate DH's help with domestic chores, and I readily admit to being organizationally challenged. (Okay, okay--I'm lazy, there I said it! However, I prefer to think of it as being more "laid back".) ;-) My DH has a bit of compulsive-obsessive traits in his personality, and he has helped me to learn over the years that he cannot relax until his world is in order. (He's the kind of guy that makes the bed in a hotel room, go figure!) Unfortunately, DH is perfectly willing to help me with the chores, right when I am reluctant to be helped. It's not that I don't see the need to get it done, it's just the timing and priority of what needs to be done.

Another frustration is that when DH starts any home repair or home maintenance project, it automatically becomes the "family" project. This was directly learned from his dad, a truck driver/cattle farmer, who practically ruined every family holiday gathering by forcing the entire family to go out and herd cattle, or some other unpleasant task. I remember one Thanksgiving when he started to dismantle the entire refrigerator, trying to fix the ice-maker, while all the women were getting dinner. What an awful pain that was, tripping over him, reaching around him to get the items we needed in the fridge!

If DH (and his dad) had a "mantra" it would probably be something like, "the family that works together, stays together." So, when Dad shovels the snow, we all shovel snow. When Dad picks up the "poop" we all get to share the joy. (Are we having fun, yet?!)

On top of every other frustration, the pinnacle of every marriage "discussion", is the matter of finances. It is not fun to hang around the house on bill-paying days. It's never fun to pay bills. It's especially not fun when there isn't enough money to pay all the bills. No fun; 'nuff said.

Being a firm believer in the restorative power of play therapy--and just wanting to have some fun on my days off--I had to seriously ponder the pros and cons of spending my days off with DH. On the one hand, I love him, and want to be with him: on the other hand, it's kind of nice doing my own thing, which may actually involve not doing much besides sleeping!!!

Then came a Monday morning, not long ago. Totally out of the blue, DH rolled over when the alarm went off, and said, "I think I'm going to stay home today. Wanna take the day off with me?" Totally out of character, at first I thought maybe he was talking in his sleep. Then, I thought he was sick or depressed! "What's wrong?" I asked, waking more quickly than usual.
He assured me nothing was wrong; he was just tired. We had had a very busy weekend, with back-to-back commitments.

It didn't take too much persuasion to talk me into calling my boss and asking to re-schedule my day off. (Have I mentioned that I love the flexibility of my job?) We each took one kid to school (they go to private schools in opposite directions), then met in the parking lot of Country Kitchen. After enjoying a nice leisurely breakfast, we came home and went to bed. Now, that's my idea of a day off!

A couple of hours later, we rose, rested and satisfied, ready to face the daunting tasks ahead. I made coffee, and we both had our computer/devotional time. After a while, we looked at the finances together, cut up a few credit cards, paid a few bills, and then it was done! Since I've put many bills on auto-pay, and others are paid online, it actually wasn't as painful a process as it had been in the past.

Later on, we took the dog for a walk. The kids came home, did their homework, helped with the dinner dishes, and did a few other little chores. After dinner, we all watched TV together.

That night, as I lay in bed, reflecting on our perfectly delightful day off, I was amazed at how much things have changed for the better in my relationship with DH. He actually wants to spend time with me--and I actually want to be with him! In my Valentine's Day card from DH, he thanked me for my intense love for him over the past few months. It struck me that my love has grown more intense, almost without realizing it, over a time period that correlates with the creation of this blog!

I'm a witness to the "power of positive thinking" and loving!

Reason #21: He wants to BE with me!

2006-02-20T15:49:00.000-09:00

Throughout our marital relationship saga, the dilemma of "Pastor's Day Off" has been a sore topic. Everyone knows that Sundays are not a leisure day for a minister (and his family), but they forget that Saturday is most likely filled with administrative/housekeeping tasks for the pastor in preparation for a busy day of services, not to mention the myriad of church activities that fall to weekends on the calendar, such as weddings. So, if the pastor works all weekend, when does he take a day off?

It was years before DH ever consistently took a regular day off from work. He worked seven days a week! If and when my Dear Hubby ever decided to stay home from the office, it was usually due to extreme physical fatigue or near emotional breakdown, and the mood of the whole day was predictable. Picture the shades drawn, the house quiet, and the poor pastor in bed all day, nursing a monster headache. Fun for the whole family? I think not!

Mondays are the usual choice for busy pastors to be away from the office. Our staff used to take Mondays off together, so they could have more days to stay connected through the week. But I grew to despise Mondays, and finally banished him back to the office. I decided that if he was going to be sick, miserable, and depressed every Monday, he could just as well take it out on those who dished it to him at church, and not punish his family.

Oh, the arguments that surrounded the awful subject of "A Day OFF"--the hurts that were embedded into my heart from his rejection of me! What devastating patterns developed through the years of forming a codependent relationship with a "workaholic" husband!

Unobtrusively, an amazing change transpired, so slowly it was almost inperceptible. DH began to consistently take Thursdays off. It offered a nice mid-week break, far enough away from last Sunday for him to be in a better mood, yet not too close to next Sunday for him to be stressed out.

Without actually intending it, DH began to develop a "day off" routine. Thursdays just happened to be "trash pick-up day" in our neighborhood, so every Thursday morning DH obediently gathered all the garbage, enlisting the help of the kids, and set it out by the curb, on his way to take one or both of the kids to school. (Some mornings, he would give me a break, and drive them both; other days, I took them both, so he could sleep in.)

If I had the day off from work, he would take me out for breakfast, and we would stop by Sam's Club for groceries or run other errands after breakfast. If I worked, he would do the Sam's run himself, and maybe dawdle a bit longer in the books section or the electronics department. Then it was home to make coffee and read the Word. The rest of the day was generally divided into home maintenance projects, bill-paying, web-surfing, and naps.

I was so proud of him: it took a long time, but he finally figured out how to take a day off, and what that looked like to normal people. We even did family things together at night, like walk the dog, ride bikes, or (most often) watch TV together.

Trouble is: it took so long, it almost ruined my desire to be with him on his day off! I actually came to that sad realization very recently.

After a few Thursdays off without me, DH asked out of curiosity, why I had been taking Wednesdays off instead of Thursdays. I told him truthfully that I hadn't even thought about it; it was just how the schedule had been made up, and coincidentally had fallen into that pattern. I told him I would look into getting it changed.

Secretly, I had to spend some serious consideration on whether or not I wanted to make the change to spend my day off from work with him! Reading between the lines of the blissful "day off routine" described above, I realized there were many "slip-ups" on his road to recovery, and my DH quite frankly was not always "fun" to be with!

...To Be Continued...

(Would it be considered "cheating" if I carried over this topic into Reason #22?)

Reason #20: He's a "Great Grandpa"!

2006-02-15T15:48:00.000-09:00

No, he's not THAT old! But, he played a "grandpa" in our church play on Valentine's day, and he was GREAT!

I was "Grandma," and I must say I didn't do too bad myself. It was my third time playing a grandma in a church play, so I must be doing something right. (Or, do I just have that "matronly figure"?!)

DH bought a pair of denim overalls and a plaid flannel shirt, and he wore his gray fleece slippers. I dyed his hair and whiskers gray, and poured baby powder over his head to cover the bald spot. He put his glasses down on the edge of his nose, and pretended to be hard of hearing.

I wore a granny dress, and an embroidered apron, with my blue fuzzy slippers, and a cuddly cardigan sweater. I had my hair in a bun (I added a hair piece, since my hair is so short) and poured powder all over it, and I had a pair of "granny" glasses around my neck. (I made the glasses holder myself, from an old pearl necklace.) For the finishing touch, I pulled out a real lace hankerchief, for the dramatic tear-jerker scene.

We really "hammed it up" since we were the only adults participating in the play. The teens did a good job, but they didn't know how to project their voices very well. Thankfully, they were able to use microphones. DH and I had the main character parts, and we had to use "cheat sheets" to keep our lines flowing. We sat at a table for almost the whole play, so we could hide our lines under our napkins.

Everyone commented afterward at how well we both did. I think they loved the juxtaposition of his character, from a preacher to a farmer, from his usual suit and tie, to flannel shirt and overalls. I know they were surprised that I could "act" and put my whole self into the part of a doting granny.

I was so proud of DH. It was fun, and it was strangely "bonding" to be in a play like that together. It was almost like pretending to be ourselves in forty years!

Reason #19: He Knows the RIGHT Answer!

2006-01-29T17:17:00.000-09:00

Guys, there is only one answer to the question, "Do you like my hair?"

You may be tempted to offer an opinion on her new hairdo; you may be coaxed into giving suggestions on how to change her coiffure; you may even be tempted to tease her about her tresses. Don't do it! Those five little words seem innocent enough, but it's a trap!

There is only one RIGHT answer to the question, every time. Offer a simple, sincere-sounding "Yes!" then, change the subject or run out of the room!

My DH knows the right answer. We've had many conversations over the years on how to answer the question, "Do you like my hair?". But, today, in a moment of fatigue and hunger, in-between bites of beef stew, my DH got caught in the trap!

As I let those five little words slip from my mouth with a good-natured tone, DH looked up and casually commented, "Well, yes, I guess so--but it looks kind of like an 'old-lady' style, doesn't it?"

"Oh, so you think I look like an old lady, do you?" Sparks flew, smoke blew from my nostrils.

"NO! I didn't say that, I should have just said, yes!" He ran in terror from the room, and I heard him mutter to himself under his breath, "Idiot!"

I have to admit, it's so much fun to catch him off-guard.

Reason #18: He Offers True Forgiveness.

2006-01-25T17:11:00.000-09:00

My husband, a pastor, both preaches and lives the concepts of true forgiveness. I have heard him pray for people that have deeply hurt him, with words of blessing, grace, forgiveness, and love.

"Lord, help me to love _____ the way you love _____."

I, on the other hand, struggle greatly with holding on to offenses that really were not even directed toward me, but toward my husband. I need to stop reading his "hate-mail" because it really is hard for me to look at people in church on Sunday knowing what they wrote on Thursday in an e-mail to my husband!

Reason #17: He Talks; Not Shouts!

2006-01-22T21:23:00.000-09:00

My DH is a Preacher, a Minister, a Pastor, a Man of the Cloth, whatever you feel most comfortable with calling it. I've already shared much about how I feel about his calling/profession. He really is a great pastor! One of the things I love about my husband is that he doesn't feel the need to SHOUT! when he preaches.

We had a guest speaker today. He was a missionary--a very young, newly-married missionary. He was given a "window," which means a 10-minute presentation, instead of preaching a whole sermon. He did a fine job. But he did the "preacher-thang" that I despise:

"Who died for you?" (cupping his hand to his ear)
JESUS! (the audience dutifully responds)
"Who forgives all your sins?" (raising his voice slightly)
JESUS! "Who is your Savior?" (working up a frenzy)
JESUS! "Who loves you?" (shouting)
JESUS! (by now, the audience is exhausted)

After the service, the comment was made that this preacher was really "anointed". What exactly does that mean? Is "anointed" another word for LOUD?

In contrast, my DH began his sermon with an unusual introduction. He gave a bit of an explanation about why he was going to preach on something completely different than the bulletin notes. That in itself was not unusual, because he occasionally is prompted by God to change his sermon at the last minute. What made it so unusual was how he began to talk to the audience in such a low-key manner, it was like he was just sitting across the table from you.

"This morning, I woke up at 3:30am. I've been having trouble sleeping for the past six months or so, I don't really know why. Sometimes it's because I'm stressed or worried about things, and sometimes it's just because I'm hungry. Well, this morning, I woke up because I was hungry, and I just had to get something to eat. I had a craving for yogurt. So, I was standing in my kitchen, in front of the open refrigerator, looking for the yogurt, and I began to think about today's sermon."

He went on to give a powerful treatise on Psalm 139:14, "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made"--in honor of "Sanctity-Of-Life" Sunday. His sermon was riveting, convicting, and deeply moving. A man sitting up in the balcony bowed and cried with his head in his hands; two women raised their hands to answer the altar call for salvation; five people responded for prayer for forgiveness of sins, several came to the altar and poured out their hearts to God. And he didn't have to SHOUT!

At the restaurant, sitting across the table from me, DH commented on the young missionary's shouting match. He reminisced about a pastor-friend from a little country church in Iowa who was known to preach an entire sermon to his wife and children and one man in the back pew, shouting every word with a loud voice. One day, the pastor's nine-year-old son told my DH that his dad preached, but DH just "talked".

Perhaps it's just a matter of personal taste, a difference of "style". Maybe it's just what you grew up with, hearing someone shouting at you from behind a pulpit every Sunday morning. There certainly seems to be a wide variance of opinion as to what "anointed preaching" looks and sounds like.

If preaching equals shouting, I'd prefer talking over preaching any day, especially on Sundays!

PS: this post only applies to preaching; not cell-phone usage. Every time my DH answers the cell phone in a public place I have to scold him for shouting instead of talking!

Reason #16: He's a Giver of Good Gifts!

2006-01-06T23:15:00.000-09:00

My first gift from DH was a very practical, yet luxurious gift: he gave me a beautiful coat.

Back in our college days, we were poor young students. Correction--he was a young student, and I was a POOR young student. My first impressions of DH were his flashing gold pen, leather briefcase, and three!piece suits. Across the crowded classroom, I watched as he scribbled furiously, looking for all the world like a pre-med or pre-law student, not a student of theology.

He was one of few privileged students who had his own vehicle. Granted, it was a pitiful excuse for a car, but it provided transportation. DH had been handed down a Ford Pinto, from two older sisters who had wrecked it several times apiece. It was a precious sight to see him driving down the street with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other on the driver's side door so that it would not fly open.

Before I digress too far down memory lane, I will simply say that he came from a well-to-do family, but he was not a spoiled rich kid. His parents had earned every penny the hard way, through the Depression years, and they were not about to dole it out frivolously. Dh had his tuition paid, but he kept a part-time job the entire four years while attending college, so that he could afford to support me!

I was poor! I came from a ne'er-do-well family. My father was a poor preacher, pastoring at little country churches with funny names like "Hammersly Fork." We were very familiar with food stamps, free meal tickets, and food banks.

So off I went to Bridal College--I mean Bible College--to find me a man! (I mean a ministry!) Seriously, the greatest gift my father gave to me was the promise to pay half my tuition costs, and to help me to subsidize the rest with grants and scholarships.

I needed a coat; a good coat that could withstand the midwestern winter winds, but not be too warm for the southern sun. DH bought me one for my birthday. I needed new clothes, and some shoes. DH got me some outfits for Christmas, and his mom bought me a pair of shoes. I needed a watch. DH bought me one. I needed a wallet. DH bought me one. And so on, and so forth, all throughout our college days.

DH spent sleepless weeknights as a front desk clerk in a hotel, so that he could treat me like a queen on weekends, taking me to the finest restaurants. He proposed to me on my birthday, hiding the ring in a bouquet presented by the waiter, and led me out for a victory ride around the city, when I said, "Yes!" No, we didn't ride in the Pinto: it was in a limousine!!!

Fast forward ten or twenty years: DH still treats me like a queen, but not every weekend! DH bought me a purse for my birthday (I needed one! really!) and a watch for Christmas. And my son bought me a wallet! My daughter bought me a make-up brush set and some other more feminine, but practical gifts, like fuzzy socks.

Like every man, DH had to learn the hard way that strictly practical gifts are completely unacceptable: like the toaster that he gave me for our anniversary. (But it was a four-slice one!)

In order to be appreciated, a gift for a woman must be not only practical, but luxurious!

To translate that concept into "male-speak" it isn't a "gift" for a woman if it only benefits the house. That would be considered a useful tool, like a vacuum cleaner or blender. A lot of men understand what a "tool" is, but they get tools as "gifts", so it confuses them greatly. To make matters worse, they totally understand the concept of "practical", but hardly ever agree on the term, "luxurious".

Teach your man what "luxurious" means to you, and you will both be satisfied when he chooses to give you something practical--but luxurious!

Thank you, Lord, for my dear husband. I'm very appreciative of his good gifts. I could go on and on about all the good gifts he has given me, but he would appreciate me giving him the gift of a good night's sleep!

Reason #15: He put up the Christmas lights!

2005-12-21T12:24:00.000-09:00

I had just spent hours untangling over fourteen strands of Christmas lights, and checking all the fuses and lightbulbs. I don't really know why, but it was my goal to light up the outside of our house with every available lighted decoration. I figured, we had stored the lights in "the hole" (our underground storage) for a whole year, we might as well use them. Actually it was more like a year and a half, since we took them down so late the year before last, I didn't have the heart to make DH turn around and put them back up in a month or two!

So, when my Dear Hubby arrived home from a business trip, my "Honey-Do-List" had just one item for him to fulfill. I told him I wanted him to help me put the Christmas Lights up. I even applied the old manipulation-by-guilt trick, interspersing a few words of whining and pleading, with the words, "It would really mean a lot to me."

Dutifully, after a few reminders and strong suggestions from me, DH went out behind the shed to fetch the extension ladder. I realized this was a much-disliked chore for him, and rather unpleasant in the -15 degree weather, with a wind chill of -24 degrees! After all, we do live in Alaska! In fact, I had experienced the bone-chilling cold myself, while putting up a few decorations around the front door. It's not fun at all to be up on a ladder reaching out to place a plastic clip on the ledge of the roof when the clip snaps into two pieces from the extreme cold temperature!

We managed to sort out the plugs after a few false attempts; had a few crisis moments when the clips became sparse (after breaking too many of them); then had a big scare when DH got his jeans stuck in the ladder rope, and fell from the fourth rung to the ground.

Finally, the lights were hung. The moment of truth had arrived. We plugged the lights into the extension and looked up to survey our well-lit roof in awe. Alas! The very last strand we had hung was not lit up! After all my careful checking, there was a short in the wires. And DH had already put the ladder away!

Notwithstanding a bit of grumbling, I soon managed to convince DH to switch the strands of light. He dragged out the ladder--again! Just as he was about to prop the ladder up to the roof, lo and behold, the lights started working!

The Christmas lights were up and we lived happily ever after.

Reason #14: He pulled off a Surprise Party!

2005-12-17T23:56:00.000-09:00

On my birthday, DH informed me that we were going out to dinner that evening. He casually mentioned that it would be a "progressive dinner" first at "The Castle" and then for dessert at "Pike's". I totally accepted that information with nonchalance, because I knew he had gift certificates for both of those restaurants, and the one for Pike's had only $8.00 left on it--just enough for a dessert to share!

When we got to the first restaurant, a couple from our church came in to eat without a reservation, and we invited them to eat with us. We had a nice dinner and conversation, and then we left for "Pike's". I almost told DH to forget the dessert; we had ice cream at home, but I knew my daughter would have to be picked up in an hour or so anyway, and she was at a birthday party in the same restaurant. I do remember saying, I hoped we didn't run into anyone else from church that we knew.

Well, only the whole staff showed up to surprise me! DH dropped me off, and I was just about to go inside, when I stopped at a mirror to fix my hair, and I saw a staff member in the mirror reflection! Just then, DH ushered me in the door, and the staff all greeted me with "Surprise!" and hugs! Then, to add more color to my already-blushing cheeks, the whole side of the restaurant erupted with applause as my daughter left her friend's party table to present me with a big candy bouquet.

It was a lovely evening and it was very sweet of my DH to arrange it all, even though he let it slip that he had only just thought of doing it a day or two before. And it was very sweet of all the staff to show up and sacrifice their Sat. night off, even though they were more or less under duress to do it. After all, how do you say "no" to the boss when he invites you to dessert, for a surprise party for the boss's wife?

Reason #13: He Has Good Intentions.

2005-12-16T21:17:00.000-09:00

Tonight would be a great night for putting up the lights on the house. I must have spent over two hours yesterday untangling the cords of about ten "icicle" lights. Then I spent another hour trying to change fuses and light bulbs to get them all working. Doesn't seem like it was worth my time, considering a box of lights is on sale for $3.97! (It's even cheaper with my employee discount!) Oh well, I can't get up on a ladder without DH's assistance. And, tonight is our church's Christmas musical presentation. 'Tis the season.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

My poor husband can't win. He played a cruel joke on me, completely unintentionally. He asked me how to spell the name of the "Vallatta" Restaurant, as he was looking up the phone number in the directory. I spelled it for him, giving him a mini-lesson on etymology, as I assumed it was from the Italian word for "village." Meanwhile, I was wondering why he messed around and made the reservation right in front of me, instead of just surprising me tomorrow night. Thinking it was better to be direct with my communication, I asked, "Oh, are you taking me there? It was only a year ago at this time that you took me to that restaurant." Now, unfortunately, only one of us had remembered the connection between the restaurant and my birthday, and apparently it wasn't him! Inserting dear hubby's huge foot into his own mouth, he replied, "Well, no ... money doesn't grow on trees, you know."

About the same time that it dawned upon me that I had made an embarrassing assumption it also dawned on hubby that he was in trouble. Just then, the phone call went through, and my husband went ahead with his original plan (one-track mind of a man!) to arrange to pay for a church couple's dinner by credit card, because he heard they were celebrating their anniversary tonight at that restaurant.

GGGGRRRRRRR!

It's hard to be mad at someone when they have such good intentions! In fact, it should be hard to get mad about something so silly as a dinner reservation. But it's too easy to get my feelings hurt when it's MY birthday!

Lord, forgive me. Help me to realize that he has good intentions.

Reason #12: He Was Young and Vigorous...

2005-11-18T16:16:00.000-09:00

One of my DH's favorite movies is "The Mask of Zorro." He often uses the analogy of Zorro in his sermons to illustrate how we sometimes place truth before love on our agendas. It is easy to justify using the Sword of truth (God's Word, otherwise known as the Bible) to cut someone all to shreds (figuratively, of course) and then try to show God's love to the "bloody pulp" that is left.

I don't know why my DH liked "Zorro" so much, but I did enjoy the movie. My favorite phrase in the movie is when Antonio Banderas had just left Catherine Zeta-Jones after a memorable sword scene. Flushed and flustered, Elena (Zeta-Jones) tried to explain what had transpired to her "father," who was chasing Zorro (Banderas). In describing her encounter with Zorro, Elena (Zeta-Jones) sputtered, "He was young and vigorous, Father... he was very vigorous!".

Like, Zorro, my husband was once young and vigorous... very vigorous! (I wrote about his physical stature in several previous posts.) He is starting to show the middle-age bulge, and complains about aches and pains in his back that were never there before. As I see him sprouting more gray hairs, and getting more bald, it occurs to me that he is getting old.

I don't know why that comes as such a shock to me. I certainly have been aware of my own gray hairs and saggy body parts, and the general all-over body aches of a pre-menopausal woman. I was hoping, of course, that he didn't notice!

One of the joys of an intimate marriage is the freedom to be "naked and unashamed" in front of each other, just as Adam and Eve, in the Garden of Eden, before they fell in disobedience. Through their sin, we have inherited the effects of the curse: pain, sickness, and death, just to name a few evils.

Growing old is a necessary stage in the cycle of life and death. Physical maturity wasn't designed by the Creator to be ugly and painful. We can only see rare glimpses of the beauty that God intended, like the lacy, transparent skin of a grandma's hands, or the softness of her weather-worn cheeks; or the silver sparkles in her snowy hair. We might notice the tender gruffness of a grandpa's whiskers, or the wisened lines of his forehead, or the curve of his bent shoulders, from carrying the weight of the world far too long.

We are not taught to revere our elders, and respect old age. Mostly, we just fear being naked, and experience the shame of growing old.

I'm thankful that we can both grow old gracefully together. Lord, help me not to take for granted the intimacy we share--it took years to grow. He may have been young and vigorous once, but I will love him even when he is old and weak.

Reason #11: He is very generous.

2005-11-01T08:22:00.000-09:00

One day, I saw a car pull into our driveway, shortly after my husband arrived home. I heard the door open, as he went out to greet the couple from our church, so I kept on with my housework. After a while, I heard the door open and close, as my husband came in and went out again. Curious to know the reason for their visit, I looked out the window, just in time to see my husband carrying our microwave oven out to their car! He loaded the appliance into the back of their car and sent them off with a cheery wave.

I met my DH at the door, with a look of consternation on my face. He explained that he ran into the couple at Home Depot, and they were shopping for a new microwave oven. Upon hearing of their need, my darling DH insisted that they follow him home, and take our extra microwave oven. Yes, it was an extra one... yes, it had been given to us... but, still...! That was back in the days when microwave ovens cost over $200, not $59.99!

My DH is generous to a fault. He lives the scripture that if someone asks for your tunic, you should give him your cloak also. He operates under the principle of "Reciprocation": "Give and it shall be given to you". He has blessed so many people with cars, with computers, with gadgets-and he has been blessed in return.

The fault with my husband's huge generosity lies in his failure to communicate with me and to wait for my agreement. He has learned, over the years, that I don't appreciate not being able to find my favorite frying pan because he took it to the church for a men's breakfast. He has also learned that he will spend a few nights "in the doghouse" if he forgets to tell me that he invited someone to stay at our home for a "free Bed & Breakfast" and they show up unannounced.

My DH has a few pet phrases on the subject of possessions. If he senses any greediness or covetousness, he remonstrates, "Hold on to your possessions loosely," and "It's all gonna burn!" That is all true, but it can be very irritating to hear.

He once got into serious trouble with my mother when he "blew up" a hard-boiled egg in her microwave oven, and in a defensive mode, he argued, "It's okay, you can just go out and buy another one!" Again, that was back in the day when it was considered a major purchase.

I do love my DH's very giving spirit. It is so Christ-like to bless others, even sacrificially. And I have learned, over the years, not to hold too tightly to my possessions. After all, "It's all gonna burn." Like the saying goes: "I've never seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul trailer."

Lord, help me to follow my DH's example and give generously to others with a willing heart!

Reason #Ten: He Provides Domestic Support!

2005-10-18T21:45:00.000-08:00

Because my DH is a pastor, we have had numerous occasions to provide teaching and counseling on relationships. We dove right in to team-teaching a marriage class on the Song of Solomon, almost as soon as we got back from our honeymoon. Talk about a blushing bride! Only the ignorance of youth could have set us up for such awkward class material; but we bravely addressed issues of marriage, sex, parenting, money-management, and more, with couples that had been married longer than we'd been alive!

Through the years, we learned along with those we taught, life-lessons on relationships from a vast array of resources. One of our favorite authors is Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.. He has a huge web site called MarriageBuilders.Com that offers over thirty years of books, articles, and other resources he has written. Harley has put together a questionnaire of the ten most important emotional needs of spouses. As in any family relationship, there is a need for the provision of domestic support.

Domestic Support is not exactly up there in my list of most important emotional needs. It is much more important to my DH that the bed is made and the dishes done, etc.. He is the kind of guy that makes the bed in his hotel room, just so he can enjoy an orderly environment. When he comes home after a long day of work and starts to straighten and clean the house, I often feel guilty and resentful. (I must confess I usually have a guilty conscience, because I don't get very much accomplished on my "To Do" list!) I have learned that DH feels resentful when he has to come home and clean the house, because he thinks (or knows) I have been home all day doing nothing. He has a strong emotional need for a clean, orderly, clutter-free environment. It just helps him to feel more relaxed... less stressed. I guess maybe there is something to that "Feng Shui" after all!

Things changed dramatically around here a month or so ago, when I went back to work. I had to find employment, due to financial hardship. Life in Alaska can get quite expensive! I was only able to find a part-time job, but the hours are pretty easy to handle. I work only Monday through Friday, (even though it's a retail position!), and start at 9:00am, which is ideal for me. I usually work until 3:00pm, and some days until 5:00pm, and that is fine for the kids and for me as well. (My kids are older, and can handle getting home before me; they get themselves a snack and start on their homework.)

Let me tell you, DH has really stepped up to the plate, to support me through this time of adjustment. My job requires standing on my feet all day, reaching up and bending down, and pushing a cart around (I pretend I'm shopping, so it doesn't even seem like work!). It took my feet a solid week to stop hurting. When I got home from work, exhausted and sore, DH was already home, playing "Mr. Mom" for several days.

What a blessing it was to come home to a clean kitchen, and kids who finished their homework, and a husband who provided domestic support for me. (Even if he was doing it mostly for himself!) Lord, let me not take the little things for granted. I do appreciate him very much.

Reason #Nine: He's Hefty, Not Wimpy!

2005-10-11T20:48:00.000-08:00

Years ago, there was a television commercial about garbage bags. The advertisement was about bags that would not break or tear; bags that could withstand overstuffing and rough handling. The slogan encouraged buyers to purchase "Hefty" bags, by comparing scenes with "hefty, hefty, hefty" bags versus "wimpy, wimpy, wimpy" bags. My DH is definitely hefty.

brawny: (of a person) possessing physical strength and weight; rugged and powerful; "a hefty athlete"; "a muscular boxer"; "powerful arms"

of considerable weight and size; "a hefty dictionary"

goodly: large in amount or extent or degree; "a hefty bonus"; "a sizable fortune"

I've already alluded to DH's physical strength in his showdown with the Power Team. He is a big, strong man. He played football, lifted weights, and tossed hay bales all through high school. His big-boned, broad-shouldered body has always carried his weight well, even when it once rose above 315 pounds for a short time. He's the kind of guy that always wins a prize at the fair, when they try to guess his weight. (I'm not going to share his weight, but I will say that people are always surprised when he tells them how much he weighs.)

There's something just so comforting about walking along a dark country road or a busy city sidewalk with a big "hefty" man! There's nothing better than a big, cuddly hug from a hairy, hefty "Teddy Bear". It's the sweetest thing to see a baby or a puppy in the hands of a brawny man. And it's always handy to have a big guy around on moving day, or when a piano needs moved.

I love the fact that my DH is a 2X! The feelings of security and protection that come with his size offset the costs of little mishaps that have occurred because of his size. Yes, he is dangerous in stores with fragile, breakable items. Yes, he has stepped on the puppy a time or two. Yes, he has had back trouble and some physical ailments related to his weight. (He needs to stay physically active to be healthy, and that can be tough in our climate, with his desk job.) But, I like the fact that he can command respect in a crowd of strangers, and even have an intimidating presence among smaller men.

DH often uses the word "glorious" in his sermons, to describe an attribute of God. He tells the congregation that in the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for “glory” (kavod) comes from the word for “heavy” (kaved). The word was first used to describe things that were heavy in the literal, physical sense. So, for example, the Bible describes Eli as “heavy,” which is a polite way of saying that he was fat (1 Sam. 4:18). So, DH alludes to himself as "glorious" whenever he tells the definition of glory.

Besides being gloriously hefty, DH is absolutely not wimpy! [The definition of "wimpy" is wimpish: weak and ineffectual]. He can go on for days with a fever and a sinus headache before I even find out he is sick! He is strong in character as well as in body. He commands respect as a strong, effectual leader. People are either drawn to him, and look up to him as a mentor, or they feel insecure and intimidated by him, but they can't really put a finger on why he threatens them, because he is so nice!

The reason I wrote this post is to say that I not only respect the way DH acts, but even after 20 years, I still like the way DH physically looks. Sure, he's a little more flabby, a lot more bald and gray, and he's growing a big inner tube around the middle: but my DH is one handsome stud! I'm proud to introduce him to people (though almost everybody knows him) as my dear husband!

Lord, help me to tell my DH the things that I like and respect about him; not just to tell the whole worldwide web about him. May I learn more and more how to show my love for my husband, in ways that mean the most to him.

Reason #Eight: He's A Loving Father!

2005-09-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

From the moment he changed our daughter's first diaper to helping our son on the computer last night with his homework, DH has proven his love for his children in myriads of ways. I don't always accept and admit this, though.

For whatever reason, this area of our relationship has been the hardest for me to praise him, or at least to give him the credit due to him. Rather, with much chagrin, I confess that over the years I have reinforced his feelings of inadequacy by pointing out his failures; painting the picture of an absent, elusive, emotionally withdrawn father.

The "cards were stacked" in his life circumstances to pour my DH into a concrete mold that personified a distant father. His father, the oldest of eleven, was abused severely by an alcoholic monster. DH grew up in a matriarchal home, with his father gone for days as a truck driver. DH was adopted; a sure formula for attachment-disorders, and rejection issues. He fits the pattern of the typical work-driven, Type-A personality. All of these ingredients are almost guaranteed to produce a textbook version of the "deadbeat dad".

But, Father God, the Creator of my DH, broke the mold, canceled the curse, and released the chains of sin, when He redeemed him (bought him back from the devil)! Sure, DH is quite prone to forgetting his children at church and driving home without them. Yes, he has had his share of meetings and appointments that took precedence over ball games and plays. But, overall, DH really has shown a consistent, faithful, loving presence to our children.

Sometimes he takes me by such surprise that I fall speechless and can't find the words to express my appreciation to him. Such was the case when he gently lifted our newborn baby girl from the hospital bassinet, hours after she left my womb, and proceeded to change her first diaper, without prompting from me or anyone else.

In a similar display of practical attention, shortly after our arrival home from the hospital with our newborn son, DH came home with several bags of baby and toddler clothes from Wal-Mart, with matching sets of tops and bottoms so that he could help with dressing them.

Sometimes I think it messes with my role as primary nurturer and caregiver, "Super-Mom", and causes me to feel insecure or jealous on a subconscious level or something. But, Dad is nurturing and caring in a different way: providing for the practical needs of the household, showing a manly, strong support for the children's emotional needs. He balances out the soft, over-protecting "smother-love" that I am prone to dish out.

That's why I need to recognize and praise his deeds of love, to reinforce his behavior in a positive way, just like a pet-trainer would! I am thankful for the power of change through belief in a God Who transforms. Lord, help me to work with him and not against him in his efforts to be available, both physically and emotionally, to our children.

Reason #Seven: He Has His Faults...

2005-08-26T22:35:00.000-08:00

And So Do I!

Throughout the last couple of posts that I've written, I kept having this nagging feeling that maybe I was painting the picture too "rosy" and putting my DH up on a huge pedestal. That's why I added in those parenthetical comments, Mistake #1,2, and 3. Then it was confirmed when a commenter said, "You really do love him, don't you?" as if to say, well, of course, who wouldn't love their husband if he was as wonderful as yours?

Let me clearly say, "I really do love my husband ... I just don't always LIKE him!"

The standard joke we like to tell in marital counseling sessions, is that a man gets married hoping the woman will never change, but a woman marries her man hoping to change everything about him. The trouble with relationships is that we want everyone to be just like us! I love the song in "My Fair Lady" that simply asks, "Why can't a woman be more like a man?"

The whole purpose of this blog is to focus on the positive qualities of my husband and to list all the things that make me love him; things that I appreciate about him; things that are special and unique about him; etc.. One of the biggest things I love about him, is that he's not perfect--he's selfish, he's impatient, he's spoiled rotten--but he's real, as in the Velveteen Rabbit.

What I didn't share in my last post, is that while DH was stewing with worry and frustration all day over the issues with the Power team, he took his anger out on me that afternoon, and left me in tears when he went back to the church. I happened to have a meeting that night at church, so I cried a while, then composed myself and went to the meeting. I couldn't even be there to see the whole show, with DH breaking bricks and all!

When it was all over, he came home and apologized to me, but I still acted "put out" until he started telling me the whole story. He looked so cute when he pouted over me not seeing him break the bricks, I had to soften up a bit. By the time he finished telling me all he had been through, my heart was filled with love and pride.

Like I shared in REASON #4: sometimes I want to kiss him, sometimes I want to slap him!

I told DH the other day, we both have our faults; it's just a shame that our faults aren't more compatible. But they are reconcilable differences. He may wish I was more like him, and vice-versa, but we are different. We can learn to celebrate our differences through compromise and self-sacrifice. That's what relationships are all about!

It's probably a very good thing that he's not like me, and I'm not like him in some areas, so that we can balance each other's faults.

Lord, help me to accept him, faults and all, with unconditional love, the way You love us all.

Reason #Six: He's my Hero!

2005-08-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

My DH (Dear Hubby) took on the whole POWER TEAM in a face-to-face confrontation and he won! Let me tell you, that took some guts!!!

Allow me to explain:

A couple of months ago, DH received an e-mail stating that "The Power Team" would be in some churches and schools in the area. [Mistake #1: not doing his homework, taking the time to call for recommendations]

The Power Team arrived on schedule, with John preaching in the morning services, and the team performing Sunday through Wed. night, 7pm. All went well, for at least the first day, with the exception of a rumor that John might be heading off to go hunting after the first service, which proved untrue. [Mistake #2: leaving the details to staff, communicating primarily through them]

The team performed so well on Sunday night that a very generous offering came in. When our secretary approached John with the envelopes, he dismissed her arrogantly with a wave of his hand and said, "Just put them over there." (No "thank you's", no manners, not even a bit nice!) This was just one example of the progressive revelation of "true colors" as the days passed.

To their credit, the Power Team packed out the church each night, and masses of people responded to the altar calls. They took the message of salvation into the schools, and faithfully put on their show for anyone who would watch--even appearing on a local television station. From an observer's point of view, it was a great success.

Staff meetings provided a whole different point of view, however. Team members were reported to have been downright rude, not to mention ungrateful, to volunteers who provided food after the services. They were seen at Denny's after one meal by several members of the congregation. So, they didn't like our food--oh well!

Meanwhile, DH sat through each successive night, his angst growing at an alarming rate. The offering pitch was his biggest contention, for it seemed to grow longer and more manipulative each night. I asked DH point-blank if it was the money that upset him. Was he at all envious or disturbed at the church-going, tithe-paying people giving so generously to this "cause"? To be honest, I know it did anger him, that weekly offerings have been so meager, and church finances were down quite a bit, and in one day these people "milked" $20,000 from the same crowd.

DH finally approached John on Tuesday night, the third "performance" of the Power team, before the service began. He responded to John's query about the flow of the service, by asking him to "tone" down the offering pitch and shorten it by half. Well, that night John pulled out all stops on the offering time and it was longer and more heart-wrenching than ever. The ultimate "straw" was when John made the plea for $10,000 more to cover expenses, saying they'd already brought in $2,000! (No, I didn't forget the extra zero, but he did!) DH came home fuming, and stewed over that all the next day.

The showdown occurred on the last night. John appeared five minutes before the service began, as was his pattern. He went to great lengths to avoid DH, even hurriedly taking one of his team members aside and praying for him, as he saw DH walking toward him. Not to be daunted, DH waited until John was seated on the front row in the sanctuary, and made his move.

After a few lines of small-talk, DH stated firmly, "I'm taking the offering tonight." "Okay, you take yours and I'll take mine," John retorted. "No, you don't get it--I'm going to take the offering tonight, not you," said DH. "No!" said John. "Yes!" "No..." "Yes!" Suddenly, angry and red-faced, John rose up out of his chair, stormed up to the platform, and shouted to his team members, "You won't believe what this preacher is trying to do!"

At this point DH didn't know whether John would grab some bricks and start heaving them at him or whether he would just flatten him with one blow. What if he did get punched, would he be tempted to hit him back and get into a fist-fight right in front of the whole sanctuary? What if the crowd thought it was a staged act, and started to cheer them on? The one thing DH did know was that this situation could get out of hand very quickly, and he was afraid, very afraid.

He wasn't going to let a big bully intimidate him, though, so he followed John right on up the stairs of the platform, turning his back on the audience, and proceeded with a very heated confrontation with John and his side-kicks in front of the whole church for about fifteen minutes!

DH clearly specified his reason for not allowing John to take an offering, saying that he had been using false doctrine and deception to manipulate his people into giving money. He cited specific phrases and quotes John used the night before that were just plain wrong. All the while, John was not backing down one inch, instead rallying his Power team members around him.

Some of the comments made were outlandish, some were humorous, and some were just sad.

John: "We won't get near the amount of money, if I don't take the offering."
DH: "Yeah, but you'll sleep better tonight."

John: "I learned all of my offering techniques from other pastors."
DH: "Well, that doesn't make it right!"

John: "You can't steal money from me; you have to let me take this offering!"
DH: "You have a choice, you can let me take the offering, or I can make an announcement and send all these people home, and be assured that I will tell them why."

The classic line, and the clincher to win the confrontation was this statement by DH: "John, you are out of control. This is my church and these are my people. I'm going to take the offering tonight, and if I have to, I'll call the police and have them haul you out of here!"

After that, the show went on without a hitch, culminating with a grand finale--the preacher, my DH himself, broke a big pile of bricks on stage. He smashed through six bricks, but he told me later his adrenalin was so pumped he could have broken more. When the show was over, he had three kids come up and ask him for his autograph!

He wasn't done with John, yet, though. Amazingly, John had calmed down and was purring like a kitten in DH's office. John was singing a different tune, about how sorry he was, and how DH had made him reconsider his actions and motives. Then he told DH, "No minister has ever talked to me that way before. You've got a lot of {guts}! (Actually, he used a different part of the anatomy.)

In retrospect:
DH told me that was the hardest confrontation he had ever had in his life. I am convinced that there was a lot more going on than a Power Team on a power trip. Though it had all the makings of a playground encounter with a bully, this wasn't just about egos and brute strength. DH, the shepherd of his flock, was in an all-out spiritual battle, defending the church against a demonic spirit of intimidation. [Mistake #3: not being "wary of wolves in sheep's clothing"]

My DH won the fight; and he is my hero!

Reason #Five: He's great in bed!

2005-08-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

Might as well get this one over with and out of the way right here. He will be happy to know it made the "top five" on my list anyway. Without going into unnecessary details, I will just share that my husband and I have a healthy, active, intimate physical relationship. This is a good thing, as the need for sex is usually pretty important in a man's life.

The thing is that my libido crashed and burned a long time ago. On a scale of 0 - 100, with 100 being "hot and horny" I've been at -50 or so! (I know there are medicines to help with that, for women as well as for men.) But that has never stopped me from being a willing partner in bed. I may not "feel like it" but I choose to meet a very important need in my hubby's life. Having said that, I'm not looking for any accolades about how giving and self-sacrificing I am. In fact, my lack of libido has been a hurdle for DH to overcome, because he wants me to like having sex with him, and not just tolerate it.

What makes my husband so special is that instead of only making an effort to meet his own needs in this area, he has worked very hard to improve his techniques, and he has everlasting patience with me. (Remember, he has to work hard to bring me up from -50 to 100. Just developing my sexual desire up to a zero is a minor miracle.)

Lord, let me never take for granted his gifts of tenderness and patience.

(No comments on this matter, please. If you simply must, you can e-mail me at mac.com. Who knows, maybe I can become the next Dr. Ruth or Dear Abby!)

Reason #Four: Because He's Such a Little Boy!

2005-08-20T15:10:00.000-08:00

Honestly, he acts just like a ten-year-old boy sometimes!

If you are at all familiar with the qualities of a ten-year-old, you know that words like "brat" come to mind immediately. On one hand, there is still a sweet boyishness, with their tousled hair, freckled faces, and sweet baby cheeks. On the other hand, their eyes are usually gleaming with orneriness, and an impish grin resides permanantly between those baby cheeks. Oh, the language that erupts from those innocent little mouths during the prepubescent years! Everything from insults to swear words comes flying out at least once, and then ever so carefully the limits are tested. How much back-talk will mom, dad, or teacher put up with before the boundaries are slammed down with gale force? It's like the secret pact of every ten-year-old to annoy and frustrate their siblings to tears, to antagonize and goad their parents to the point of explosion, and to just flat-out wear everybody out with their annoying antics!

My son is now twelve years old. Some of the best father-son bonding times have occurred between "Ben" (nickname) and his dad in the last two years. There have been the usual sports, fishing, and hunting activities. But the most fun they ever had together was watching "stupid videos" on TV or the web, and laughing together. Why is it that noises that are made by bodily emissions and jokes pertaining to body parts can be so hilariously funny to a boy and his dad? They tell each other the same old jokes that he heard when he was a kid, concerning the girth of "yo momma" and they roar with laughter every time!

I could go on and on about how similar men and boys are, except for the price of their toys, but you already know. Men are just big boys!

I see a tender boyishness in my darling husband at some of the oddest moments. I have a personal window into his vulnerability that no other person on earth has. He can make me want to kiss his sweet cheeks one moment and slap them hard the very next!

It must be a gift that comes with motherhood, that nurturing instinct, that fierce protectiveness. He may be a real pest, a royal brat--but he is mine, and I love him!

It is a special privilege to see the inner child so plainly in someone dear to me. Lord, help me to deal with him tenderly, and not be so tempted to slap the snot out of him at times!

Reason #Three: He really is a great pastor!

2005-08-19T19:22:00.000-08:00

My husband wears many hats, but he has one mantle (figuratively speaking). Since the tender young age of twelve, he has had the calling of God upon his life to be a "Shepherd of the Flock." I knew that when I met him, because we were at students at the same Bible College. I also had a calling into the ministry since I was young, and told people who inquired what I wanted to be when I grew up that I wanted to be a missionary's wife, an evangelist's wife, or a pastor's wife. So, off I went to Bridal--er, I mean BIBLE--College to "get me a man to marry!" Some might argue that I was just following in the footsteps of my parents, who met at Bible College; that I was just trying to please my dad and carry on the "family business" since he was a pastor and I was the first-born. But I believe there is a special calling for a pastor's wife, and I was even voted "Most Likely to Be the Perfect Pastor's Wife" in college. I still have the paper plate award! (It's framed and hanging on my wall; no, not really!)

There are good pastors, and there are great pastors, and there are pastors who never should have gotten behind a pulpit. My dad was one of the latter; he really struggled to be successful in the ministry and he mostly failed, although he was a caring, loving counselor to the sick and the elderly. But DH (Dear Hubby) is a great pastor! Everybody likes him, from little old ladies to brawny sports players. He is authentic, genuine, real; a man of integrity and humility; sincerely compassionate and incredibly generous. He is just what a grown-up Boy Scout should be: a nice guy!

Being a great pastor takes more than just being a nice guy. He really is a great preacher, too. I'm being very honest when I say that last Sunday morning's sermon (second service) was the best sermon on sex I've ever heard in my life. Get the tape! (Better yet, wait until it is uploaded to the church website.) I have never heard the message against sexual immorality so clearly and strongly presented, right out of the Book of Revelation (using the text to the Church of Pergamum, Rev. 2:11). I told him that, and so did at least 15 people on Monday morning!

Now all that was introductory material for my little sermonette: The third reason I love my husband is that he really is a great pastor. I love him because he loves God so deeply and fully that he has given his entire life to serve Him in full-time ministry. I love him because he loves His people with such fervor that he literally "counts his sheep" when he lays in bed at night, asking me, "Have you seen the Jones' family at church lately?" I love him because he loves the church so much it makes me jealous of all the time and attention he puts into it. Actually, I don't love that part so much, because he is a workaholic and I don't think he has to love his work THAT MUCH! I love the fact that I don't inwardly shudder with mortal embarassment when he stands behind the pulpit (unless he is saying something about me!) or stifle a thousand yawns every time he preaches a sermon. Believe me, I've sat through thousands of sermons, and every time my DH preaches it is different, even when it is the same sermon for both morning services. You can ask the staff if you don't believe me.

Lest you think I am exaggerating or being at all facetious, I will say that it's not easy being married to a pastor. It means that he is not only my husband, he is my pastor. I don't particularly like everything that he has done as my husband, or as my pastor. In fact, during one very difficult season in our lives, if I could have, I would have left my church and gone to another one! [Everybody else blames it on the pastor when they want to leave the church, right? He is either too worldly--"He just doesn't preach THE WORD!" or he is too spiritual--"He preaches over our heads!"; or he's too lazy or too busy; too unfriendly or too friendly!]

I love my husband because he is very good at what he does: As the Senior Pastor (CEO), he is a proficient administrator, very knowledgeable with computers and finances. As a Counselor, he listens with empathy and highly trained skills. (He is always continuing his education: a good teacher is never unteachable.) As a Chaplain, he is available at all hours of the night for emergencies and crises, and has been known to spend all day in the waiting rooms of hospitals to be with family members. As a District Leader, he has taken his pastoring to a higher level, and is now pastor to other pastors.

It's a tremendous blessing to be married to a man I can respect and admire, a man who holds the respect of his congregation, his staff, his colleagues, and his family.

Lord, help me to show him my love and respect; especially when he is plagued by self-doubt and satanic accusations and lies. The last thing he needs is a wife who belittles and barrages him around every corner.

It is better to dwell in a corner of the rooftop, than with a brawling (contentious) woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21:9

Reason # Two: Because He Loves Me!

2005-08-18T17:06:00.000-08:00

I know--it looks like I'm off to a pretty lame start, if that's the only reason I could come up with. Nothing real earth-shattering about that, huh? It reads like a syrup-y sweet children's song made famous by a purple dinosaur: "I love you, you love me; we're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you; won't you say you love me, too?"

Knowing that I am loved makes all the difference in the world to me. It's a foundation to build the security of the relationship, an anchor of stability through life's storms. Life is hard and relationships are hard work: why bother at all, if there isn't love?

How do I know he loves me? Well, that would be another blog, but suffice it to say, he declares his love to me in a myriad of ways. It's not like the old farmer's wife joke. Reminiscent of the dialogue in "Fiddler on the Roof" the wife asks her husband one day if he loves her. The old farmer bellows, "Woman, I told you once on the day we got married, and if it ever changes I'll let you know!" But, like the Fiddler, I sometimes take for granted the way he expresses his love for me, through good deeds or provision of material needs, because I want him to say it in other ways. He gets irked like the Fiddler's wife, and says, "Do I love you? For twenty-five years, I've blah, blah, blahhed, and you ask me if I love you!"?

Those two illustrations prove the point that it is quite possible to live most of your life with someone and not know how to express love in a way that meets his/her need to be loved!

Now it's time for my confession. I've read the Five Love Languages, I've taught on the Ten Most Important Emotional Needs, I know that "Men are from another planet" and speak a whole different language when it comes to sex and romance. But, after all these years, I really don't know how to LOVE my husband.

Yes, I promised before God and man to love, honor, comfort, and cherish him. Yes, I committed myself to choosing to love him, knowing that my feelings would often ebb and flow like a full moon tide. Yes, I know how to meet his BASIC needs: Like Dr. Laura's "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands," I know he can be fairly satisfied with a good meal and good sex. But in all my selfish introspection over the years about how MY needs weren't being met, I recall very few times of thinking, journaling, and praying about his needs and how to meet them.

So, enough about me, let's talk about what he thinks about me. (Joke, a bit of egotistic humor thrown in to lighten it up a bit!) Though this blog is all about me, and why I love my husband, it has to be about him, too, and how he shows me love. I intend to examine more carefully the language he chooses to love me with, for that is the biggest hint that he wishes to be loved in the same ways.

The beautiful bouquet of flowers on my kitchen table proves his love for me by saying that he was thinking of me, even while he was gone for a week. Now, I know flowers don't mean much to a guy, but how many times did I express my love for him, and say that I missed him while he was gone. Or, did my lack of expression cause him to wonder if I wished he never even came back at all?

I am so blessed to have a husband who loves me.
Lord, help me to show him how much I love him!

Reason Number One: I CHOOSE to Love Him!

2005-08-17T21:05:00.000-08:00

The "commitment" word is almost as important as the word "choice." One of the things that made me so sad, reading that other blog, was that the decision to get a divorce was pre-determined. Hence, the pre-nuptual agreement was well-planned.

Love is really a commitment to choose to love!

I remember a simple illustration of a train, that I learned as a teenager in Sunday School. There were three box-shaped "train cars" hooked together. The first box, ACTION, connected to a middle box, THOUGHT, followed by a third box, EMOTION. The point of the illustration is to see how closely our feelings, thoughts, and actions are connected.

The world teaches us to live by our feelings. That's the Train Engine. Just look around at all the train wrecks to see that letting our lives be guided by our feelings is not a good idea! We "fall in love" (when actually we are experiencing a strong feeling of infatuation) so we think we need to have this person or we'll die. Then our thoughts become obsessed with that person to the point that we take action, perhaps getting physically intimate, perhaps displaying jealous or possessive behavior, perhaps even getting married!

Feelings come, and feelings go. Just listen to the country tunes a while to learn that relationships don't always stay the same. Why do people bother to get married anyway? Why even start a relationship if it's doomed from the beginning?

We have emotional needs. We can't just ignore our feelings until they go away. But feelings should not rule our lives the way they energize and motivate a toddler. Feelings are supposed to be the Caboose!

I'm no expert on Behavioral Therapy, but I think the idea is to change a behavior by instituting a different habit (ACTION), with enough consistency that it affects a negative perception of self, allowing for more positive thinking (THOUGHT), thereby creating better self-esteem (FEELING).

That's how the train is supposed to run with relationships! Make the commitment first to the relationship. NEVER think, dream, or breathe the "D" word! Understand that feelings fluctuate like hormones, and never, never trust them! Determine in your mind and heart that you will act loving, whether or not you feel loving. Then, sit back and enjoy the scenery, knowing that this is one train (relationship) that will not de-rail!

Make the commitment (ACTION) to choose (THOUGHT) to love (FEELING).

I DO!

To Love, Honor, and Cherish

2005-08-15T17:22:00.000-08:00

And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish your partner ...

'till you get a divorce?

The Inspiration Behind "100 Reasons..."

2005-08-15T17:04:00.000-08:00